Saturday, April 30, 2016

This week in La La land

Sometimes you find just what you need to hear.






WF is moving in and since he has no idea about this blog my postings might be fewer but I will be able to fill them with lots of great details :)

I know a lot is going to change and be new and different, sometimes hard and while there was a lot I might have worried about I am looking forward to it.

We have really different sleep schedules which I lean to his more when we are around and then sleep like a grandma when we are apart so thats not going to be happening. Maybe I will become a night owl. That will be more fitting for my house, so it might be for the best.



Even if you come home late and I’m already asleep, just whisper in my ear one little thought you had today. Because I love the way you look at the world. And I’m so happy I get to be next to you and look at the world through your eyes.


honestly a good partner isn’t necessarily someone who loves the exact same things you love but rather someone who is willing to listen to you ramble on and on about a particular subject that you’re passionate about even if they have little to no interest in it. I have been watching a lot of Glee because I know its the one show that he won't want to watch, I think he will watch the rest even if he mocks them (which lets face it makes it better) but he supports my passions and even watches Disney Movies with me. So I think it will be an easy transition. I mean we've spent weeks traveling together and dealing with a lot of pressure meeting family and friends. and there will be more of that!! Much much more!! 




You deserve love that is equal. Where you receive as much love as you give. If someone isn’t willing to work towards that kind of love then it’s okay to leave them. I see this happen all the time and sometimes it not always perfect but it needs to be about there and really what it comes down to is communication. Sometimes I have doubts about this but they go away because its true its equal and we are what we are I just need to stop letting my crazy brain get the best of me lol. 




I think we all have doubts but thankfully something always snaps me out of (like this cartoon while he was away) 




We do fight for each other every day. 






I love sharing my life with him, our friends, the things we do, even with my roommates so I know this next step is just more of that.



Thursday, April 28, 2016

Scary text

I am a  Disney nerd and one time WF sent me a link to a new Disney dating site and I was like

I was like what are you trying to tell me?

"Nothing just thought you would like to keep up with the Disney News"


Then one time I was thinking about couples that date a long time and have no idea about one another and how that is possible and being that I like to talk to him about everything asked how this happens and he said

"are you saying we need to talk?"

by the way just hearing him say those words in a joking manner makes my stomach drop.


Just so you know

you deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Favorite

You're my favorite person. My favorite person to look at, to listen to, to talk to, to be with, you're my favorite person to miss, to love, to be everything. you're my everything. I want to give you everything I have. I want to share my life with you. To make more lives with you, cute little babies. I want to make memories with you, so I can look back in 50 years and be sure I haven't missed out on anything because all I’ve wanted is you

Stolen Flowers. Stolen Hearts


We spent a weekend in Death Valley to go see the super bloom. It was wonderful and fun. We saw all the sites the car would allow and I convinced him to pick me two flowers, which is kinda stealing from a national park. I dried them right away and I put them in frame.

We stayed in a terrible casino in a town near by and ate lots of fast food. WF convinced me to gamble even though I was very cold and didn't want to leave my bed but it paid off because I won big at the slot machine (enough to pay for our all you can eat buffet) and we got free cocktails!! I like that we both inspire each other to do things we might not normally.

The next morning we went hiking and I got a lot of the typical disability comments

"You are amazing"

*you mean this view we are hiking up to isn't*

"You are my hero of the day"


Um yeah okay.

It was fun and I love out little weekend getaways. 

I wrote you a love letter to explain how I felt about us—folded it neatly into a paper plane and threw it off a cliff.

Sometimes I don't know whats wrong with me.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Me

* Goes on date *
* looks around *
“I’m sorry, will the dog in your profile photo be joining us?”



Not like other girls

The whole “I’m not like other girls” movement should really be called the “I don’t want men to treat me the way they treat other women” movement because that’s what it really is. Women know that a girl who wears makeup is as respectable as a girl who wears none. A girl who’s played every Final Fantasy game is as respectable as a girl who digs Candy Crush. A woman who started her own law firm is as respectable as a single mom who works in the service industry. A girl who enjoys casual sex is as respectable as a girl who has never had her first kiss. A lesbian who has no interest in men is as respectable as a straight girl who loves her boyfriend. A girl who reads People magazine is as respectable as a girl who reads Dostoyevsky.
Women have been extensively shamed for saying “I’m not like other girls” when what they are really saying, maybe without knowing it, is “I’ve heard the way men talk about specific types of women, typically women who do things that they don’t understand or relate to, and I really, really want them to separate me from that and see me as a person who is worthy of being respected.” How much respect a woman gets from men is very rarely indicative of how much she deserves.
“I don’t want you to treat me the way you treat other girls, because you treat other girls like shit.”

Monday, April 25, 2016

Trust


I over think everything, I know this about myself. Yesterday it all just hit me a storm.

Now I am not a jealous person, I don't believe in it. I almost lost good friends because of jealous partners and I vowed I would never be that person.


But he was invited to a party. He has this old roommate that he had a thing for and goes and does roommate things with her and another old roommate. Thats fine. Except this was a party? Why wasn't I invited? I invite him to all the parties I get invited to?! What is crazy is I am meeting two of his closest friends this coming month, going to a wedding with him in New Mexico, and meeting his parents in Colorado, oh and he's moving in!!

So why in the world is this one girl bothering in me? I have met the one roommate but not her......

Ugh I don't know. Then that spirals into other horrible thoughts.


I tried talking to him but the minute he asked me if it was about her I freaked and thought NO NO NO I don't want to be this girl. I couldn't do it.


being open and honest with someone about your feelings in general or about a certain situation feels relieving and good when you’re met with  respect, love, tenderness, and validation. it can be incredibly hurtful and damaging when you aren’t. I hope that you’re always met with the love & respect you deserve


and I think that I have been met with a lot of the not and it has nothing to do with him. Really none of this has to do with him and its just all my head and twisted thoughts so what does talking about it with him going to do except make me seem crazy?  I don't know I guess I am still learning.



a reminder we all need


Stop wasting your time with individuals who aren’t really all about you. Stop trying to force connections that aren’t all there, or telling yourself that maybe the reason love isn’t happening for you is because your expectations are too high. It’s not unrealistic to desire a partner that is attentive to your needs and wants, and who puts in the effort to not only get to know you, but keep you happy and feeling secure. Don’t compromise the things you value in a relationship for people who keep missing the mark. Your time could be much better spent. Some day someone is going to walk into your life and make you realize just why you should never settle, and they will be so bold and clear with their love that you’ll never have to think twice.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Now if I was still doing online dating I would be on this site



So, if for some reason you haven’t heard, Bumble is a dating app where only the girl can initiate conversation!



I always like making the conversation first but a lot people are old fashioned and wait on the guys, I have to say they guy I'm dating would probably like this as well. I am a pretty outgoing girl so I don't mind making the first move, but whats better is you can avoid all the losers who won't leave you alone!



 If she doesn’t start a conversation within 24 hours, the match gets deleted.







 Which is great– but it gets better. 





There’s a BFF mode where you can find girls who are nearby that are seriously there just for friendship!! It’s awesome! So if you would like to make more friends or a match I suggest checking it out!! 



Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Surgery.

A lot of disabled people talk about the other first in their relationships, the medical first. Two years ago they found a lump on my left breast and it turned out to be a cyst and nothing to worry about...after a couple surgeries. I was conveniently with my family for Christmas when this happened and prolonged my trip two months so they could help me.


Well it came back and so it was back to the ER for me, WF's Car was in the shop so that was no help and my nice roommate was house sitting and I was crying on the phone to my mom that I would rather die then have my other roommate take me so I called an old friend who lives down the street (also awkwardly I think is still in love with me and its like my relationship is this Elephant in the room that we don't talk about)

I wasn't even going to WF but seeing as he was having a horrible week but I was informed that he would be even more mad at me for not telling, so I did and he worried and felt horrible but I went home and waited for my Doctors appointment a few days later. He came over a couple of night before and cooked me dinner and hung out with me and made sure the transportation I take with my insurance came.

I get to the doctor and she said "oh we have to open that up right now" so I had surgery. Man it hurt and would have loved to have someone holding my hand but I have done this alone Medical thing for 12 years now so I am pretty good at it, then when I went to throw my cross body bag over me I realized I can't do that and had to try and carry it, it would of been nice for him to be there then.

I spent the rest of the days resting and WF checked on me a lot. My friend came to throw me a get well soon brunch (they are the best) and WF came to help out with that but I also asked if he could help me take a shower....I wasn't supposed to get the bandage wet and its hard when it on your chest. He was really good about it and even helped me bandage up really well and we had a great day with friends (and he kept checking I was okay) The next morning I was off to another appointment and he was bummed he couldn't go with me.

I have to have more test in a week to find out whats causing it but he'll be there that time because he is moving in.......




Yeah I know right? With his car being out and all this stuff he needs to save some moola and so he is moving in to help me out and save money and he is going to be looking for a place, although my nice roommate and I are in hopes he stays forever!


So he'll be going to all the other appointments and when I have whatever removed I am sure he will be there!!



I also changed him to my emergency contact so thats nice that it won't be one of my asshole roommates.


He's just really good at taking care of me in so many big and little ways.


This week in dating advice


Have a good opening line to the first message.



When I was in high school I would say to my mom I want to be successful enough that I could marry anyone, I won't marry him for his job. I feel like this is what I really meant (I mean in so many words) I remember a friend of mine dating a guy who didn't work and was really lazy about following his passions. We were hanging out once and said lets cook dinner and split it between us, okay so we did only to find out he was chipping in $7 while putting tons of stuff in the cart and a bottle of wine. I ended up just paying for the whole thing which was fine but it was like okay thats not what I mean. But if someone is hard working, has passion then I don't care how much he makes.




How do you not get someones name after this encounter......Wait I think I've been there....

This is true. 

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

“I’m very, very lucky. He looks after me as much as possible”

I can be myself with him which is very important. Thats a way that someone cars for you.

When I was sick and didn't want him to see me because I was gross he brought me things to make me feel better.


I can tell him anything without judgement


We cook together and he will even eat it if its terrible.


I went to see a Cerebral Palsy specialist for the first time in 10 years and I was nervous! Not only did he get up early to drive me there he went in with me. Gave me a pep talk "Don't be scared be Cerebral Ballsy" and just was amazing!

He has gotten up way early just for me countless times.


But I also just love that he's a good guy. He'll tell people to clean up at a restaurant who left trash on the table, give money to the homeless, give my roommate a ride, help me take out the trash.


He helps me relax when I am stressed or have anxiety.


He sports me while we go hiking and on road trips. He has my back and is very helpful.

He understand my fear of snakes even though he thinks I should get over them.

He helps me build things and fix things in the house and do things.

He makes me feel like I could do anything.

He gives me back rubs.

He makes me more brave.


Prom?

My prom in high school was not like she's all that.

I went my junior year. Since boys didn't want to date me because I was disabled I always asked guys, I asked my friend Adam and we were going to go together and then he ended up getting sick and having an 102 fever, I cried a lot. We later made up for it by going to homecoming the following year.


I went with a bunch of girls who later ditched me and that place was couple central, I think the only time a slow song wasn't going was the first 5 minutes and as a girl that loves to dance I boogied down but then after that it was slow slow slow.

So the following year I decided not to go unless I had a date and I didn't.

I've gone to a few prom parties but I realized one day that  I had never actually been asked to go to prom with someone. I mentioned that to Waffle Fri and he said:

"will you go to prom with me"


If there is ever a prom I surely will. Just the thought made my day.



Thats how it should be....

I water you, you water me; we grow together



Monday, April 11, 2016

Teammates

years ago I dated this nerd who loved board games and we would play and gang up on his best friend together to make him lose, it was amazing times.

I recently heard a friend say that her girlfriend had everyone gang up against her to beat her at a board game, I thought well that could be fun but...

He's my teammate and I work better with this person by my side.


I think it should be that way with everything.

Fun fact: He sometimes kisses me like this. 

You realize how lucky you are......

browsing tinder is such a brutal confrontation with the harsh reality we live in. you’re just swiping through, awful guy, awful guy, awful guy, and you’re thinking like how is this real, how are there so many awful men in this world. surely there can’t be more. but there are always more. 




That you were strong enough to deal with all that and stumbled upon the true treasure of finding a good guy. 

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Everything I needed to know about my relationship I learned from a girl meets world episode.












I grew up watching boy meets world and when the spin off was announced I was excited. It doesn't have the same awesomeness but I watch anyways for when they bring back the old crew and when I am sick I like to watch the simplicity of the Disney Channel shows, and I was just in the ER last night so watching it on Netflix worked out and gave me some solid relationship advice I have been needing to hear. 

It this Episode. 


Riley and Lucas’s classmates are curious as to what’s going on with their relationship, which ultimately confuses them more than ever before.


I get that. People saying, 

Why haven't you changed your facebook profile. 

Does he call his girlfriend? 

Maybe he's just using you. 

Why is he still on Okcupid (even though he doesn't use it) 

I know what we are and I am fine with it but sometimes these things can get into your head. 


Does this mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend the show asks. 


"Those are just words, Riley. Words don’t change people.”

So true, I know what we are. I don't need words to change that. Our actions say Relationship, Boyfriend, couple. Why do we have to label it? 











I'm a go with the flow kind of girl and I tend to be fine with whatever (Waffle Fri would call me a people pleaser) so he'll ask me 

"do you want to go to the store?" Or see this movie or have scrambled eggs. 

and I always say "Do you?" 

and like this conversation in this show they said things because they felt pressure to instead of saying what they wanted and I guess I feel pressure to make Waffle Fri happy. We've talked about this very much and he always tells me this isn't how conversations work. so I'm learning. We're are making each other better :) Sadly it became much more clear to me seeing it happen to another person. 





This show has its flaws but it really helped me today on my days of resting. Helped to not feel the pressure to please people. Don't feel the pressure to move faster in my relationship. 






The wrong pressure turns you into dust.