Friday, July 31, 2015

Favorite quote

Opening your heart and being courageous and telling people that you care about them or like them or that you think they’re special only makes you a better, bigger, kinder, softer, more loving person and only attracts more love in your life.
— Amy Poehler

I don't like waiting.

Remember how I was excited about that message and then he didn't answer but I had seen he was online, well he answered yesterday morning.

Taking Water Guns on Pirates is a amazing idea you guys.

but I haven't heard from him since but a guys I talked to two days ago about books we are reading just answered me at 2am.

Is this just the gotta keep it cool attitude that I really have no time for?

It could also be that they are talking to multiple people (as am I) and they think they are leaning towards one and something happens, does this make me a back up plan, no it just how it works. Who knows these guys who I might have interest in now might love listening to Taylor Swift or feel like telling me wearing a flannel isn't sexy, its a process of elimination (weirdly) and if I am the one they come back to well.....

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I found the one!!

Profile that made me giddy, and the conversation was great, I thought he was cute

and he didn't write me back, maybe I came on to strong although I think your profile is great and I think you are cute is pretty standard, maybe it was my love of Disney, although thats what kicked off the conversation. Now I will never know how to have a water gun fight on Pirates of the Caribbean or what happened with the one

Has technology made dating easier?

I used to think "Online dating no way I want to meet someone the old fashioned way" well unless you are new here I guess I have changed my tune.

an Elite Daily article titled “10 Things Our Generation Will Sadly Never Understand About Dating” and *spoiler alert* the 10th thing Millenials sadly don’t understand about dating is…. if they are better off today with all this technology to help them out.

1. How anyone got dates pre-Tinder

I can count the number of dates I went on before online dating on one hands Seriously. So thank you technology, for without you, I would never have been able to go on enough dates to sustain this blog.
+1 technology

2. How people coped with face-to-face rejection

No one handles rejection well whether is happens face-to-face or online. I’ve had some rather harrowing experiences after rejecting someone online or via text where they’ve come back with completely ridiculous, venomous replies. (I’m sorry but, I’m not a bitchy slut if I decide I no longer want to go out with you prior to ever meeting you IRL. Not even close.) The perceived anonymity of online communication makes some people think they can say some really mean shit. So how did people cope with face-to-face rejection back in the day? With grace.
+1 for offline dating

3. How people vetted prospective dates without stalking them on social media

I used to be a big Googler before going on a date - but then I realized that kinda takes the fun out of everything. It also dangerously sets yourself up for disappointment and misunderstanding right off the bat. How did people vet prospective dates without stalking their Facebook pages? They didn’t. And that was a good thing. Let there be some mystery, I say!
+1  for offline dating

4. How anyone found a soulmate before eHarmony

This is just stupid.
No points awarded for anything. Everyone go home and think about what you’ve done.

5. How people got each other’s numbers at a bar

I tried this with a guy in person recently and it went NOWHERE first of all I was thinking "how old is this dude" and second he just assumed he would see me around again (sorry pal I only have to see m OBGYN every 2 years now...Hopefully) 
+1 for offline dating and +1 for technology

6. How people met up without cell phones

I've dated a guy without a cell phone (its weird) but All it took was a little planning, some faith they we would both show up, and some good old fashioned punctuality. The flakey shit that is all the rage these days would not fly without cell phones. Neither would a last minute text-message bail out. Back in the day when people made plans for a date, they showed up. And life was good.
+1 for offline dating

7. How people got to know each other without texting

They (gasp!) talked to each other! Some may have even written letters to each other! How romantic. I really love letters. ANYWAY - the courting process was just longer without texting. Now, as someone who is not 100% comfortable on the phone, I really love texting. I like that I can send some Babe a text in the middle of the day just to let him know I am thinking about him or to ask a question that I don’t need an immediate response to. It makes me feel closer to people when I can be in continual contact with them. I am a fan of the texting.
+1 for technology

8. How you knew someone liked you

It’s in his kiss, duh. Oh - I’m sorry, you don’t know that song? Well, take a moment right now and listen: “Its in his kiss by Betty Everett” 
When someone likes you, they kiss you like they mean it and can light you up like a firecracker. Seriously. No Facebook poke or Instagram like can be nearly as convincing as one hot as hell kiss. Still not sure? How about you suck it up and ask them? Good old face-to-face communication is a real gem and helps cut through the shit. Unless you’re dating a sociopath, in which case, you got bigger fish to fry.
+1 for offline dating

9. How anyone survived an Long Distance Relationship

I sadly seem to be a pro at these kinds of relationships. I don't know what that says about me.... That being said, I feel like texting, Skype, Facebook etc. really does make this a bit more manageable. It’s tough to be separated from your person for any length of time! Being able to reach out via other methods than a phone call can make it a little easier, I think. And Facetime and Skype. What a glorious thing!
+1 for technology

10. If we are really that much better off…

So here we are again - are we really that much better off with technology in terms of forging strong, healthy interpersonal relationships? The final tally:
Technology: 4
Offline dating: 5
Seems like “old school” offline dating provides the space to create more honest, meaningful connections. But technology, when used properly and responsibly, really speeds up that process and makes it easier and more efficient. 
I’m going to go ahead and say that it is possible that technology has made dating easier…
HOWEVER that doesn’t mean it’s made dating better.
What do you think?

Monday, July 27, 2015

The top ten things you should know before you online date

10. Having a profile on an online dating site does not automatically mean you get to go on dates.
If you all still think you can throw up a short profile with a shitty picture and all of the sudden start getting messages, pokes, winks, whatevers galore, Its not going to work for you. (Unless of course you are a hot chick who posts a topless picture.) You get back what you put in to online dating. As I’ve said before in other posts, online dating is hard work if you are doing it right. If you are looking for quality, you need to make sure your profile and photos are top quality.
On the flip side, if you’ve put in some thought and created a wonderful profile that accurately depicts your personality and what you are looking for in a match, that still doesn’t mean you need to start going on tons of dates. Be picky… and be ok with being picky. It’s one of the perks of all of this! CHOICE.

9. Relationship ambiguity is bullshit
There have been so many articles about how millenials are all confused these days because no one quite understands where they are at in terms of their relationship to another person. Are we dating? Are we fucking? Are we dating to get to fucking? Are we in the friend zone? Can I polyamory? Teach me how to open relationship?
We did this to ourselves, guys. Modern dating does not have to be ambiguous or confusing unless we make it that way. Be open with your feelings. Be honest about what you want. Don’t get into polyamory or an open relationship because you think it’s the new trend. If those are for you great. If not thats okay too!  There is not right or wrong way to develop a relationship so stop asking people how to do it and start asking yourself how you’d like it to be done.

8. If you don’t like how things are going, reframe reframe reframe.
That is sort of why I have this blog.  I have been online dating for a bit and it sucked and I wasn’t having a good time… so now I can try and have a good time and well if its far from it I blog about it here and tell my friends and it becomes a learning experience. It completely changed the way I experience dating, men, relationships, and sex and it really helps me to hopefully get to the place I need to be in order to have a healthy relationship with someone.
What is that place? That place is the place where you feel very comfortable with yourself and your needs and you know how and when to assert them responsibly and kindly, which hopefully another person you want to date. 

7. Casual sex is the best thing in the entire world - until it isn’t
Let me re-phrase: casual sex is the best thing in the entire world if it is something that you enjoy and are comfortable with. Not everyone has it in them and really really, that is ok. For those of us that have done the whole casual sex thing, I feel like the experience is similar: it’s fucking awesome and then something happens or some time passes and all of a sudden sexing someone sans any real emotional connection becomes boring and empty. That’s when you know it’s time to stop.

If this hasn’t happened to you yet, high five kitten! May your days be filled with free bags of condoms and clean bill of health.

6. Rejection sucks
I’ve endured a lot of shitty behavior across multiples sites and apps this year but the worst of it has never been the one-off crude messages. The worst behavior has always happened after I rejected someone. Rejection + Internet =  THE WORST EVERRRRRRRRR.
No one takes it well and there is not one way to reject someone that will universally work. It really depends on the person and the delivery and the message and the planet’s alignment that day and if mercury is in retrograde and if you had the right amount of coffee and and and….. you get it.
Just be kind. Whether you are rejecting or being rejected. Be kind. We’ve all been there. The thin veil of anonymity provided by the Internet is not a guest pass to be an asshole for the day.

5. Good quality men are not on dating sites/apps for very long
I don’t want to be alarmist but ladies, this is true.  I have a number of friends who are in healthy, long-term relationships with dudes they met online and guess what they all have in common?  Ladies: bagillion online dates, dudes: like, 2.
Must be nice.

4. Get specific
Just because there are a ton of people online dating does not mean we all need to use the net approach. Dating is exhausting. It can also get pretty expensive, not to mention totally time consuming. Be specific in what you want and stop wasting everyone’s time - including your own. Know for a fact you aren’t going to date someone shorter than you? Fine. Don’t agree to meet someone shorter than you IRL. When we become too flexible in our standards in hopes of being surprised by someone, we end up disappointed most of the time. You aren’t gaming the system by lowering your standards, you are gaming yourself.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t give people a chance. You always need to go with your gut first and foremost. What I am saying is that you can allow yourself to be specific in how you describe yourself online and what you want in a match. Saying that you won’t date someone under 5’9” doesn’t make you a jerk, it makes you honest.

3. Don’t hate the playa – hate the game.
Ok, ok, hate the player a little bit too if you want. But for real: games are for losers, guys. There is absolutely no need to play them. If you find yourself waiting to text someone after a date to make yourself appear more mysterious or whatever, you are doing it wrong. Games are for children. Grow up and tell someone you had a great time with them and you can’t wait to see them again. If they can’t handle that, they can’t handle you. The end.

2. It’s not about you.
That guy that you had some great messaging with then dropped off the face of the Internet and then deleted his profile? Yeah, he didn’t do that because of you. He did that because of him. When doing all of this dating you just have to realize this one simple truth: other people’s actions are not always reactions to you. People behave poorly for many reasons and it really isn’t always about what you did or said or how you appeared or whatever. Some people have shit going on you will never know about. I bet you do, too. So next time you are rejected or ghosted or stood up or yelled at or propositioned for disgusting sex with a 60 year old Sugar Daddy remember: it’s not about you.

1. Manage your own expectations and own your experience.
There is no scientific evidence that proves online dating makes anything easier. (On the contrary, this blog might be proof that it, in fact, makes things more difficult.) There is no scientific evidence that shows that online dating leads to happiness either. You will not be getting engaged within months of putting up a profile. You will not stumble upon your soul mate on Tinder. Every person you meet IRL from online is not going to give you chills or sweep you off your feet. Online dating is not magic and there is no algorithm that accurately predicts your compatibility with another person, no matter what the site claims. There is one thing that you can always trust though: you.

Be honest with yourself about what you want and be authentic in how you present yourself online. Be kind. To everyone. Do not let others dictate your personal experience of online dating – or anything else for that matter. Have the courage to unapologetically be yourself in every circumstance. Realize that some people just aren’t that into you. Be cool with that. If there is one learning that trumps all others  it is this: you do you. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions and be the person who shapes your own story. It’s hard work, but it sure is rewarding.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Things we need to learn when it comes to dating in a digital age

Saturday, July 25, 2015

I can't promise that.

a lot of guys have said to me, don't hurt me, but you know what you can't promise that.

Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.

Dressing for a date

I think a lot of pressure gets put on how to look on a date when really 99% of my dates I could of put on jeans and tshirts.

We view our bodies in such a negative way anyways that I basically say whatever you feel good in at the time is what you should wear. 

How to sum up my current dating life

Friday, July 24, 2015

Everyone has got something.

I hear a lot of disabled people think that no one would want to get in a relationship with them because of the issues they might have, but do you want to know something, everyones got something.

a friend of mine posted the other day.

Really thankful to be married to the most giving, amazing person. We planned to have brinner tonight, but my stomach hurts so I’m in bed. Jason still went to the store to get all the ingredients for paleo waffles along with my current favorite flavor of kombucha. Me not feeling well isn’t rare, but he still always goes out of his way to take care of me and make me feel better. I am really lucky.

But all means she is able bodied and by all all outside views seems fine but to know her you would know

My phone is full of alarms to remind me when exactly I can take painkillers again. People with chronic illness are stronger than you’ll ever know.

The thing is, you never know what life will bring you so I think as long as you find that person willing to go through the challenges life throws your way thats all that matters. 

For the people who say online dating doesn't work

If you are one of those guys swiping everyone right on Tinder, chances are you’re not going to get very far in terms of a long term relationship if that is indeed what you want. Likewise, if you’re the girl who sets up a ton of OK Cupid dates only to flake on most and half-heartedly go out with the others, a long term relationship is probably going to be more challenging.
I know, I know: It is kind of frightening to hone in on what you want and then actively pursue it and even scarier to (gasp!) be vulnerable with people you’ve only just met and let them know where you stand. But guys, it really is worth it.
Online dating is not making us bad at relationships. We are making us bad at relationships. Don’t mistake the ease of profile clicking to mean that dating is easy….Because it really isn’t - no matter where you meet your date.

There are no rules

I don't think there are rules to dating or relationship. I met a lovely couple the other day who have been together a month and madly in love and you hear the judgement of people. There are no rules, we're all doing the best we can and following some set of rules and how to guide isn't going to change things, life is short do what you want, but if I did have one rule it would be this:

Side not this song is my new favorite. You're welcome :)

So in short my lovelies

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Waiting for my Wreck it Ralph (Ironically)

This movie analogy sums up my dating life and has caused me to create my own (also I kinda want to see pixels and I don't care about Reviews so I don't agree, just sayin)

I have been dating guys who are the film Pixels

I am searching for my Wreck if Ralph

this is highly Ironic as I watched it with my Ex and it took me a long time to be able to watch it again, if you find yourself in that situation with a movie you love attend a Sleepover bachlorette party and be the one to share the living room with a girl that has to have something on tv all night to sleep  (at a loud volume) It also helps if you are on the worlds most uncomfortable couch and 22 times later you to can again learn to love whatever movie an ex has ruined for you.

some advice

 although you shouldn’t ever be treated like less than you deserve. when it comes to little things, stop asking yourself ‘why aren’t they doing this for me’ but rather ‘why haven’t i been doing this for them’. giving is the first step to receiving. and after a while if they don't reciprocate stab them in the eyes with a spork bye

I came across this post

I' m disabled. That means i’m broken, doomed, unwanted. I’m afraid no one will ever love me. At least no one who’s worth the chase. I feel like a pariah, and for that, if someone ever looks at me it will only be someone like me. A broken person. As I am broken, I deserve nothing but broken people. I’m lucky if one of them even considers loving me. For that, I must accept all kind of mistreats, because they’re making me the favor of tolerating my tragic flaws and because I have to retain them as I’m not worth anyone staying. Let’s face it, I won’t find someone better, that’s why I accept bullshit from guys. That’s why I stay in destructive relationships. And for that same reason, I push away those who mean good. I don’t deserve them. They’re complete and i’m not, how could they love me?
This sick thought is present in my mind all the time. There’s no way I can make it shut. So, I learned not to listen.
I’m not a tragedy, i’m not broken and i don’t need to be fixed. I’m a complete human being with much to offer, and with that I don’t just talk about inner beauty. I’m beautiful on the outside too. I have much more things to be proud of physically than I have defects. 
I deserve a great partner, one who loves me entirely. I know I can do better and I know I will. And so do you.
Stop conforming with less than you deserve. Anybody who’s treating you like shit is not making you any favour with staying. That kind of love that lasts for life, you will find it if you keep your heart open to others. You’ll get hurt, sure, but pain hasn’t stopped you before ;)
Beautiful souls, this is a very wasted line but I mean it when I tell you: LOVE YOURSELVES. You’re worth it, you deserve it.

This is thoughts that seem to creep up on us all in the disabled community when it comes to dating. When I was in Kansas City doing and internship I met a couple he was in a wheelchair and her his assistant, they annoyed me for many reasons one being they called each other the gimp club and said I could join and be a gimp too.  

anyways I would see them on campus when I took art classes and there was one day where it was just me and her and she said she cheats on him all the time, because what is he going to do come look for her. 

Side note: People always talk to me about other disabled people and I am always like do you know who you are talking to. 

So I told him and he basically said. Look at me I am never going to do better. 

So I am here to tell you never ever think like that!!! You are worth so much more and will have so much love!!