Monday, June 1, 2015

Some questions readers have asked.

Some of my readers are like who is this girl and why does she have this blog. They also had some other questions and I am here to answer them.

Do you regret any dates or relationships you've had? 

I always try to be pretty anti-regret. I think I learn something from each relationship about myself and other people, I think that its good. and now that I have this blog I can take the bad (and good) and write about it, it can help me and maybe help someone else as well. 

Nora Ephron once talked about a game she played while waiting for restaurant tables where you think of five words that describe yourself. Which five words would you choose at this point in your life?

Woman, Friend, Adventurer, hungry, sleepy.

What’s some good advice you’ve gotten in your life when it comes to dating? That you’d want to pass along to other women?

anything by Cheryl Strayed or Amy Pohler is my go -tos. I think when going through anything with relationships you'll hear a lot of opinions and I have certain friends that are the best outside perspective for me to talk these things out with and who always let me feel what I need to feel, but I also need alone time to  figure things out for myself (its really how I work) and these two are like dear friends I can lean on until I can get to a space of wanting to be around other people such as: 

Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used. And don't try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a 'Batman' with a limited-edition silver bat-erang and therefore if it stays in its original packing it increases in value.

I also find a lot of advice at random and tuck it away like 

if someone tells you who they are, believe them. Basically the idea is that people tell us who they are every day in 1,000 ways, and we try not to hear them, but we have to hear them.

Even in a book I read someone wrote: Meeting him was like feeling my lungs with air. and I thought thats in I want someone that feels my lungs with air not takes my breathe away and sure I could breathe just fine without him but this is great. 

How should someone get the most out of  online dating? 

I’m pro online dating, clearly and I have talked about this a lot here.  People are not going to wander up to you in the produce aisle in the grocery store. But the danger of online dating is that it can turn people into commodities. It’s so easy to just keep swiping. Try to be conscious of it: Really read someone’s profile; don’t just look at their face. I seriously read every detail of someones profile and check things out....I also give them a chance to explain things for themselves. They will usually let you know right away if its worth your time though. 

Why we should banish the idea of “good on paper"? 

Most people have an idea in their heads of what they’re going to find. Sure little things pop in my head of the memory of the guy on the rollercoaster making a face and saying I want that... But a person who doesn’t meet all of your specifications might wind up being a wonderful match. A lot of my friends will tell me their spouse isn’t who they pictured Themselves winding up with.

What to look for in a partner? 

I could give you a list but I suppose that would be hypocritical with what I just posted so at the end of the day I tell myself “choose someone kind, choose someone kind.”  Being with somebody who is fundamentally kind — to children and waiters and dogs — means that at the end of the day, they will be kind to you. I also need someone that shares a similar humor with me, laughing with those I love feeds my soul in all the right ways. 

Favorite relationship advice? 

 One piece of advice is to proactively articulate your needs. Often, we expect our partner to intuitively know what we need, be it alone time or a back rub. It’s better to verbalize these things and let our partners have a field guide to ourselves.

If any of you want to ask me a question feel free at anytime!! 

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