for those of you who don’ t know, ghosting is when one dater ends a relationship by simply cutting off all contact without any sort of explanation or warning. They. Just. Disappear.
Someone can ghost at any point in time - after the third date, after the third month - the worst thing about ghosting is that it can happen at any time, to anyone, for any multitude of reasons.
So why on Earth do people do this to each other? Well, it’s because some people are scared jerks. I can say this with full authority because once in my life, I was also a scared jerk and I ghosted someone.
I was visiting my mom in a tiny town and had to buy a new laptop while there, the guy fixing up my new laptop fell for me, and being I have no friends I said yeah maybe we could hang out sometime but I didnt' really see him and I was unsure about a date since just talking to him about my laptop was awkward (this is your job how are we going to talk on a date) Well I joined okcupid while I was there because I don't know why really because online dating in small towns is horrible because you see that person (hello message from a guy saying you saw me in a coffee shop wearing sweats and helping my grandma) well computer guy found me and it turned out he was 43 and lived with his mom (he had also never left Idaho so that was interesting) We talked about maybe grabbing dinner but then he had to go and say he really wanted to get that dinner and then kiss me and I freaked out and disappeared and then had to avoid that side of the mall which was really sad because I missed out on trying the best Guacamole in the area.
Now most stories could go like this:
I didn't Ghost him because of him, It wasn’t just because of his chest sweater. Or his text messages. Or the fact that he was sober. In fact, it wasn’t really because of him at all: It was because of me. My head still wasn’t on straight, I had no idea what I wanted out of a romantic situation at that time, and I had no business stringing this guy along while I figured it out.
Where mine was HIM!! Well maybe it was part of me maybe I run when guys come on to strong, example: A guy messaged me a couple nights ago (the one coming on strong) and wanted to make a date, I said sure and it went from movies (which is a bad first date) to watching ALL THE STAR WAS MOVIES AT MY HOUSE!!!
THATS NOT A FIRST DATE THATS A RELATIONSHIP THING!!!
(more on this subject later)
So I did the cowardly thing: I just stopped responding.
The good thing to do would have been to just tell him I wasn’t interested…. but noooooo – I couldn’t do that. Because I was a scared jerk and was only thinking about myself.
I hate when guys do this so why can't I be a woman step up and say something. Actually I'm going to text Star Wars dude and be really with him, its a new dawn, a new day, and I'm feelin like being a good person. today can we all promise each other that we’ll be “Ghostbusters” meaning that we won’t ever ghost someone?
It might not take care of the problem for everyone, but hey – you gotta start somewhere. Might as well start here. For science!