Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Woah!!


Its been pretty quite in the dating world. Since my last date I have gotten two messages.

1. For most private thing I am willing to admit but I hate this profile part. So I added that I have a no fail plan to join the mile high club (which I do really) I had a guy ask me about this and involves basically using my disability to my advantage here so it sort of works out well that I can point out that side of me again, and when he doesn't reply you know why.....which is what happened.

2.Hey it looks like we have a lot in common. What are you looking for on here?


I hate this question so I used to say I don't really think I will know what I am looking for until it hits me in the face. 

I have also answered with:I guess to sum up what I am looking for is to just find someone I click with,Being able to find someone you click with so naturally is the best feeling ever. You feel like you’ve been best friends you’re whole life, it feels like you’re coming home. You’re so comfortable with them.

Maybe now I should just shorten it to: Chemistry. 

So I answer the dude and check out his profile he doesn't ever want kids (and you know that its a thing) but he apparently is super duper against tattoos, Now I have dated many a guy who tattoos not their thing, cool! They have never once said anything about mine, now I have job aspirations that limit me being to open with my tattoos so you only see them if I choose to show you but this guy dreams of removing everyones off so needless to say this is not a good match. I'll keep looking. 


I have had a ton of people look at my profile which can be heartbreaking let me tell you but then I started to wonder if I have reached the level where it says I hardly reply. 

There a 3 levels of messaging on Okcupid, Green: response often Orange: Response sometimes, and Red: Hardly Response 

If I see a guys profile with the Orange or the Red I never write them first and so I wonder if thats happening but here is the thing. 


Here’s a little secret - everyone reads their messages. EVERYONE. There has  never been a time in my online dating career that I have simply just not read a message. reading the messages is one of the best parts of this whole online dating mess! You never know what you’re going to get and if you aren’t taking this all too seriously, messages are almost always highly entertaining.
Now to responses. I tend to respond to messages that make the sender seem interesting and legitimately interested in me. Cheeky. Unique in some way. It also helps if, in the message, there is some sort of indicator they have read at least some of my profile. And well-written compliments. Compliments ALWAYS work. Not pick-up lines, mind you. Real, genuine compliments. 
But I have 5 guys who message me weekly who I have no interest in and they are always just deleted. 

You jumbled up your message so good with typos, misspellings, and text speak shortcuts, I can’t immediately understand what you are actually trying to say, let alone imagine myself sitting across the table from you at a decent restaurant discussing something interesting. I know it seems pretty jaded and uppity to totally rule someone out based on typos but you know what? No one is messaging against the clock here. Take the time to read your message over! ESPECIALLY IF IT IS ONLY TWO SENTENCES LONG, I am a bit understanding I grew up in a house of all dyslexic people and if you only saw my mothers facebook comments you would understand but you know.....There is a difference between lazy and you know.....


You creep me out. Either your message was too sexual in a way that just doesn’t resonate with me or you write something that makes me think I could be dealing with a future stalker. Or it’s just weird and I don’t feel like going there.
 I have read your message and it didn’t blow me away, so I checked out your profile and determined I wasn’t attracted to you. Rather than engaging you in a few messages, I have decided it’s not going anywhere and I’m going to save us both the time and just not respond.

 I pride myself on being a lady and being kind. Mostly. In the beginning of my online dating adventure, I thought the whole no-response bit was pretty rude. So I responded to just about everyone.
Over time, I realized this was a terrible mistake.
Online dating really only works well if you are able to really hone in on what you are looking for and engage with people that meet whatever criteria you have set up for yourself. Are you looking for someone to hang out with a few times a month? Are you interested in finding someone with long term potential? Are you DTF this evening? All of these are fine. You just need to pick one or at least know which one you are focusing on during any particular period of time.
If you cast the net too wide, this shit gets overwhelming. And time consuming. Plus - it is just silly to think you could be looking for a casual hook-up and a potential husband all in the same mind-set. I mean, you could be doing that but I bet you aren’t getting anywhere. Manage your own expectations and I really think you’ll have a better time of it.
And sometimes people online, cloaked by the veil of Internet anonymity, can be really fucking mean when they are rejected.Trust me, I learned the hard way.
“I wouldn’t put you in a room with any girl I would ever date. You disgusting slut.”
I have also gotten worse like "who would date a disabled girl anyways" and "It took me a lot of courage to message you and you can't even fucking respond you whore" (side note that guys still checks my profile daily, I should make this into a drinking game and it could be way more fun! 


Now of course, not all guys are  insane. But still. All it takes is one.
As I wrote this I got 3 more messages: 
1. A Marine I think could be Spam:hello baby how are you doing I am dave
I don't know how I like the baby so much but I will give him a shot 
2.So what's the way to approach this to start a conversation with you?
I have to try so hard not to send something sassy back, anyways maybe writing helps bring in the boys! I will keep you posted. 

Update:  I sent him in which he could catch my eye and if not to help me maybe it will help some other lady out there, also he is a comedian and as you can see from this blog post I like people who make me LOL. His profile was lame and he did not make me LOL 


Sunday, June 28, 2015

I know what I want

Sometimes I feel really judgmental of people, I work really really hard not be.

I find little things like you don't think Parks and Recreation is funny or the office? I laugh out loud to them all the time, does this mean we don't have similar senses of humor I ask myself.

I usually sum it to one things thanks to the great movie "He's not that into you"

Exception to the rule.

But I think it comes down to one simple fact, I want the trees growing around in my life to have similar number of rings. I want us to help each other grow and to grow together.



Now I know I am not as bad as some people.


but at the end of the day I follow the words:

Do not settle for the first person who buys you dinner or for the person who says you look pretty, do not settle for the one who does not share your dreams but laughs at your jokes. Do not settle for attraction without depth, or good conversation with no intent to stay. Do not settle for charm when they do not value what you value, do not settle for convenience without love. Do not settle for a candle when you were taught to love the sun, do not settle because of time when you know that love is patient. Do not settle, please do not settle because there is someone out there who refuses to settle, and you are worth so much more than convenience and ease, you are worth a heart that fights for you.



Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Fill it out!!!

You know what slays me about a number of profiles I come across on all of these dating sites and apps? The people who just can’t be bothered with filling anything out. There are so many excuses.

Just ask is the most common. 

Or I am bad at answering questions and filling these out 

People love to say things like, “I’m an open book in person” or “I’ll answer all of your questions when we meet.” Guess what guys? No chance in hell we’re meeting if you can’t even fill out a small part of your profile. 
Really, bro? Then why are you even on this site? 

I hate talking about myself 

Newsflash: there are very few people who enjoy talking about themselves, yet we still manage to think of something.

I also love the guys with no photos or a photo of them where you can't see well

No. No. Wait, is that really you in the picture? Mmmm. yeah no. You have to give me a little something to work with here.




Quick question for all these guys: why are you even online dating in the first place?
Seriously - it’s not a big surprise/gotcha! moment that these sites all ask you to fill out personal information in some sort of profile. You have to give the ladies something to go on! Pics in and of themselves are just not enough. Plus, we all know that everyone uploads the best pictures of themselves and more times than not, they are not truly representative of the person.
So we need words.
That describe you.
In some capacity.
If you can’t be bothered to put forth the smallest bit of effort in this regard, I just assume you are illiterate or lazy or not serious  or just here to browse or whatever. And I will not engage with you. At all. I value my time see and it can’t be wasted on someone who can’t take 5 minutes to write down a list of things they like to do. It doesn’t even have to be complete sentences! Jesus.
The end.
Also lately I have had guys with names like, Marriage Material or looking for the one

so this guy must be Marriage material, obvs. which then I find weird. This online dating is really messing with my brain guys. 
So, in conclusion, PLEASE INCLUDE INFORMATION IN YOUR GODDAMN DATING PROFILE.
t because THAT IS THE CORNERSTONE ON WHICH ONLINE DATING WAS BUILT.
Thank you.
Sorry for yelling.


Not being into your online date doesn't make you shallow


I had a larger fellow message me last night and I checked out his profile and it we just didn't have anything in common, I also felt no interest, and his message was filled with typos.

Side note one thing I hate about Okcupid is most people use it as a app so then they don't want to type out a long message or their out correct changes braid to bread. I always use it on my computer because I want to make sure I send out a nice message.


anyways he writes back saying its because he's fat right?


I have dated a few bigger guys, most wanted to lose weight and become fit and I would always say I like you the way you are but I want you to be happy and if thats what makes you happy then I support you. How about its because you didn't write much on your profile (another post on that to come soon)

Elite Daily posted an article today with the headline “Hot Girl Wears Fat Suit on Tinder Dates to F*ck with Shallow Guys.” The article includes a video, produced by Simple Pickup, wherein a stereotypical hot girl dons a double chin and a belly suit to meet Tinder matches for the first time. All of her Tinder profile pictures are obviously fat-suit-free so when these guys show up, they are all taken aback by how different she looks. Some guys try to be cool about it and ask, “so uh, how long ago were your profile pictures taken?” Some are not so cool about it. One even asks her, “Are you pregnant?"

The article says that this little experiment "teaches us all a valuable lesson about just how easy it is to lie on the Internet." 
Is that a valuable lesson or more of a "no shit” moment? Of course it’s easy to lie on the Internet. Just because something is easy doesn’t mean we should do it.
I think this video is stupid. They also did one with a guy in a fat suit meeting female Tinder matches. That video is also stupid.
We need to put the fat suits away and stop pretending like we aren’t all a bit shocked and angry when we show up to a first meeting and the person across the table looks nothing like their profile pictures. This does not make us shallow. This makes us normal.
I also take issue with the whole fat suit thing and have ever since Tyra Banks was all, “I spent a day in a fat suit and I was so sad and cried a lot because people were mean to me” years ago on her talk show.
It’s no secret that being overweight sucks in general and that society as a whole is trained to be kinder to people who conform to aesthetic standards dictated by pop culture. Do we really need to put skinny people in fat suits to figure this out? No. You know what is a secret (kind of)? That people who aren’t super thin actually lead fulfilling lives and have healthy and fun relationships and go on cool first dates and make great first impressions. What suit can we make shallow skinny people wear to get that through their heads?
ANYWAY
Profile pictures reign supreme in online dating. It’s the one thing EVERYONE pays attention to. Like it or not - this is how it works. When we agree to meet someone in person, chances are it is not 100% based on their vivacious personality and ability to send a complete message. It’s because we can picture ourselves having sex with them. Or want to. Or something.
I mean well I check for personality but also I need to feel attracted to your photos too, I mean and I guess that is where online dating wins this round because I would no nothing of your personality if you approached me a bar and would base my first impression on face. I make sure to have updated photos and photos showing my canes.  It happens a lot where a guy will message me and I soon know its based on my photos alone and so when I tell them something to check out on my profile I am 90% sure they actually see where I state my disability and then move on. So its not just me doing it and I try really hard to base off personality as much as I can, but lets face it physical attraction is important as well.
You know what I mean.
I also skip past the dude who could be too hot or showing ab photos....I don't even take the time to read those profiles so in my world you win because at least I read your profile. 
(this guy loses both rounds in the my dating world game) 
anyways back to this fat suit thing....

Posting pictures that are not an accurate representation of what you actually look like is just not fair to anyone, including yourself. 
I’ve been on a lot of bad first dates but the worst of the bunch were always when a guy showed up looking very different from his pictures - whether he was fatter/skinnier/taller/shorter/had blond hair rather than brown etc…. didn’t matter - what mattered is he wasn’t what I had signed up for and because of that, he wasted both of our time.
Unfortunately, it happens a lot. For this very reason, I started only planning dates at locations within walking distance to my house so that if I showed up and the person wasn’t what I expected, I could choke down one drink and then GTFO and be in stretch pants sharing the story on here within 15 minutes.
ANYWAY
 “Time is our only currency. Don’t fucking waste it.”
I wasn't impressed by you larger guy for much more then the number on your scale. So I didn't want to waste our time.....and the moral of this story kids is: 
Don’t waste other people’s time.
Don’t waste your own time.
And please, for the love of god, don’t put on a fucking fat suit and film it for any reason.


Sunday, June 21, 2015

Safety is key

If you’re going on a solo trip or even for a walk alone at night, it’s a good idea to let a loved one know you’re safe (or possibly not). Kitestring is a simple webapp that checks up on you and sends a text message to your emergency contacts if you don’t respond by a designated time.

In terms of online dating best practices - it is always a good idea to let someone know when you are going to meet up with a new person. And, for obvious reasons, it’s always good to meet people in public places. I tend to tell a few of my friends the name of the person I am meeting, where she can find all our old conversations, where we are going, and what time I think we might be done. I always send her a text to let her know I have made it home ok or I haven’t made it home because I’m like, totally killing it and about to get naked and she doesn’t have to worry about me anymore. I also have a code word that I would send to various people. Also my friend and I have a app called Live Safe and you can see where people are on a map, You can do this from any state so I told my friend that if I send her the code word that I would then turn on my location on LiveSafe. I prefer having a community of people that know all the details (and hopefully my roommates will come running) to an app, but you know, not everyone has a great circle of friends like I do. 

So…. there’s an app for that.

Well at least thats how you be a man.....

Movie dates are a terrible first date idea: First the point of the date is to talk and get to know each other, can't do that during the movie.


If  you were keeping up with my blog you know I had a date to see inside out today which I was pretty excited about  then as I was getting ready I realized this guy could ruin this movie for me.....I think my love for Amy Poehler and Disney Animation is much stronger then a classic bad date story. It took me forever to be able to see Wreck it Ralph so I am just glad it wasn't ruined. 


Its super hot here and for me walking is like jogging and so of course I am dripping in sweat buy the time I get to the coffee shop which I love by the way that I decided to go a ahead and order an iced tea, when my date got there he didn't like that I guess so I let him buy the movie Tickets and Soda and Popcorn. I also lost points for not hiding snacks in my purse.....well if I knew you maybe.


The conversation just wasn't good and it was awkward and we headed over to the movie to find a huge line to get in. We couldn't find a seat because it was packed, they had to bring in extra seats. I stood in a corner while he ran around trying to find us seats. He found two but then come to find out one was for a dad that went to get snacks and was mad at us......Sorry dude.

So we finally found some together, the short by the way super cute and romantic and that is kinda awkward on a first date.



Inside out is beautiful and there was a haunted mansion thing and I looked over at my company who could of cared less at my ecstatic face and I missed my brother who would totally get it  and wished he was watching it with me (or at least someone who gets what a huge dork I am) and my date didn't like the movie at all and showed no emotion (also ate most of the popcorn) so I was incredibly thankful to laugh with a room full of people and then during a scene where I started to tear up I looked around me and I was surrounded by people who were crying.....it was such a beautiful moment. Also thinking I should Disney Bound as Joy. The rest of the date was Eh....Also he wanted to impress me with his knowledge of the comic book Fables except I already read them and shot him down.....BOOM! 


Ironically when I got home I got asked on the same exact date from Star Wars guy but I wonder if his idea of coffee and movie is coffee and all 6 Star War movies back to back. 



Although here is where he wins points: I got this text when I got home


Thank you for being a man. I would totally be his friend......maybe.......well I would go see a movie with him again if I knew I wouldn't laugh or cry in it. 

Now I know to find a guy who I can laugh, cry, and share my Disneyland Nerd love with at the movies and I can move on to find that guy, and one I love talking to over tea. 


Saturday, June 20, 2015

#DeliciouslyDisabled


WTF?

I swear all the guys dating profiles say they want to find the Claire to their Frank Underwood.

UM......For real?


I guess I could see some of the appeal

But bottom line they are both horrible people

So are you looking for someone who is just as messed up as you are? Not to mention they are terrible to each other, cheating, doing whatever it takes to get to the top, and this whole last season was about him not supporting her and if you saw the end we all know what happens, not anything I would want my next relationship to be.


Friday, June 19, 2015

McHeist


I would love to share other dating stories here on this site, I am just one girl with a pretty boring monogamous way of dating, I like nerds and attract nerds so you know add a little spice to this blog, here is a dating story from a guy, its hard for all of us out there.

Greatest/worst thing ever just happened to me, so buckle up folks..it’s story time:
Girl on a dating app tells me in the first few messages that I’m really cute (true) and interesting (also true) and asks me to meet her at 1140am for coffee at a random McDonald’s. When I ask if she’s a 45 year old man trying to harvest my organs, she proceeds to send me 15 pictures in a row that look like they’re straight from Facebook. Because that’s how you convince somebody you’re real (not true).
Now normally I don’t accept propositions like this because I’m thinking “what’s the catch?” Well, I decide to live a little on the YOLO side…and since it’s right next to a Subway Sandwich shop I think that the worst that could happen is it’s a 45 year old lonely man, I give him a big hug because I know the feeling as a 25 year old lonely man, get a tasty sandwich, then go home. Apparently that was NOT the worst thing that could happen.
I show up. She shows up. She’s real. I’m surprised. I buy her coffee because I subscribe to traditional gender roles unless requested otherwise. She uses her McCafe frequent buyers card so she gets stamps. Its cute. While the guy is making her drink, she tells me to go find a table outside in the sun. I go outside and find the perfect goddamn table because I’m a romantic at heart. 5 minutes later. 10 minutes later. 15 minutes later. No girl. I text her the typical guy message “lol u get lost???”. No response. Turns out she took the coffee and left.
So I’m not saying it’s bad to leave a date if you feel uncomfortable or aren’t attracted to them. It’s totally your decision. But I don’t think that’s the case…I think this girl is a serial McCafe dater. And I don’t think this was her first time. It was too professional. Too clean. It was the perfect McHeist. And I’m starting to think I’m not even mad…she didn’t steal my credit card, or my organs. Just a few euros.
And my heart.

Under Pressure Umm bah bah bay Umm bah bah bay Ea day da Ea day da

That date I was excited about yeah......

I asked if he wanted to do dinner before hand or after, the Walt Disney barn  is only open 11-3 and he wants to start the date at 1 and well I think I will want the two hours for being a nerd.

Then he informs me that he only does short and sweet dates so that we don't over think it and so he won't make a fool of himself and that kissing sounds like a good after plan......

For realz?


I don't know if you are aware of this but the long great date bar is set high in my world (actually you wouldn't be aware of that but it is)

My ex used to work nights at a hotel so our first date was to grab breakfast and then he was planning to go home and get some sleep before work only he was having such a great time that he decided to skip on the sleeping part.

The coffee date I had four hours of sitting there with two cups of tea he told me he usually went to meditation class but wanted to grab ice cream with me instead.

Now sure it could go the other way.....

but why the time limit? Also I feel like it just adds more pressure to the date with a ticking clock and also the kissing, I don't know what it is but if a guy tells me he wants to kiss me before we meet it just kinda freaks me out.....I mean what if I don't want to kiss him? Then you force me to do the awkward move my head away, and you shouldn't be expecting that to happen.

I think I will still go on the date I mean at this point I only have to spend an hour with him but with the added pressure and his weird rules......


These are the moments I think I am better off single


Thursday, June 18, 2015

I got asked out on a real date!!!


You know what else makes me want to dance like that we're going to the Walt Disney Barn which has been on my bucket list FOREVER! I thought it was only open Sundays turns out its only open the 3rd Sunday of every month!!! Fate I think so!!

Our conversations have mostly been him telling me my mom is horrible for not letting me watch the simpsons and how much money he spent on his new tv (not my favorite topics) but you never know and worse case its bad and I talk about it here and I get to nerd out over Disney.



The worst part of online dating

Someone asked me today what the worst part of online dating for me is.

Those of you who have dabbled in this world of online dating know the annoying pain of being flaked on right before a date.  I read stories of people being flaked on like 7 times in a row? What?!?!?  I don’t care who you are: that shit smarts. Where are everyone’s manners?
Or you hit it off with a guy things are great and then one day you text him......He never responded.
And so it goes. Plans are made. More communication happens. Something goes awry. Perhaps too many Disney references? Perhaps he found his soul mate just the night before? Maybe the Cerebral Palsy  were a deal breaker….We’re never going to know and you realize  I will never speak to this guy again. THIS MAKES ME INSANE.
Now that we all have so many choices of potential dates just a few clicks away, I feel like sometimes we are careless with people. I say this because sometimes I catch myself being careless as well. Sometimes with so many profiles to choose from, online dating becomes a little bit more like Internet shopping and when people become products, everyone’s feelings end up getting hurt. I really think this dynamic of maybe-dates, date flakery, general shitty behavior and not keeping promises is the worst part of online dating. For real.
Another issue that comes with the flakery is that now, whenever I get a date on the books with someone, I am never entirely sure it will actually happen. As you can imagine, this takes some of the fun out of it. 
p.s. Why the hell does every single guy online either love to hike or rock climb? Every. Single. One.


The nerd girl of your dreams.

Like I said before a lot of people get ideas in their heads of what they want I clearly found the guy that wants to binge watch Star Wars

ON THE FIRST DATE!!!!! 



SO A FEW THINGS:
1. You started out so strong with the date talk. Now you’re considering spending 6 hours in my house  with me or more, with beer? 
2. 6 HOURS OR MORE?
3. What if I said yes? Do you really want to come over to someones house who you have never met? Also my house has  no cell phone reception, which he doesn't know but you want to come just sit on a couch with a stranger? And if you do, is it because you want to kill them? What if I want to kill you? 
4. 6 HOURS?!