Thursday, May 14, 2015

Its a weird thing

I spent most of my life thinking I had to prove that my mind was the sexiest part of me because clearly it couldn't be my body right?

But once I realized that could be sexy too it was like flood gates opened. I learned things, I researched and I read a lot of things like this:

When I talk about these issues with people, I always say “the other difficult thing to do when you have a disability is get somebody to fuck you.” They laugh, I laugh, and we can all move on without really pausing to examine why that is. But since we’re all inside the amazing feelings cocoon that is Autostraddle, I’ll admit that’s not the whole truth. Yes, sex with a disability is a tough sell, but not (just) for the reasons people assume. In my experience, the hardest part isn’t convincing someone else you’re desirable — it’s convincing yourself that your body is worth pleasing.
— Know Me Where It Hurts: Sex, Kink, and Cerebral Palsy 

But here is where I have reached the issue I have realized this about myself but you still have to convince the other person, the problem I am facing is once you open that door for discussion and with someone with a disability it seems you have to do this earlier on then average is that I don't just want it to be sex. 

I've spent 10 years of my life thinking they'll love my mind and then my body but now I am in a weird place where they want my body and I'm sitting here going "yeah but my mind, I mean have you seen my mind, its totes amazeballs" 

So where is the fine line when starting to get to know a person, its one of the first questions you get asked as a disabled person but where is the line to be crossed? 

It really is such a weird place to be because you have countless people that pass you up for your body which is fine but then you get someone that is willing and you start talking and you find they just want you for your body. 

I honestly don't know what to do when I get in the rut that is handling my body in the dating world.

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