Saturday, May 30, 2015

Prince Charming


Not everyone is going to like what you post online. One person specifically told me I was “chasing a dream.” Or, basically, that I’ve set my standards too high. I’ve decided to clarify exactly what I meant.
 After negative experiences, we frequently find ourselves very determined to never repeat that experience. Of course, that’s not to say that after a while we can lower our standards again, but sometimes it’s nice to refresh ourselves of what type of qualities we’re allowed to aspire towards in future relationships.
The important thing to understand, however, is that regardless of how we might have been treated in the past, it’s not right to think that we are ever “owed” anything. The idea that by having been treated poorly means we’ve paid our dues, so we are entitled to the perfect guy who just has to accept us for who we are, is counterproductive and surely a terrible way to treat a great guy.
I’ll say that again: No matter how you’ve been treated in your past, you still must actively work towards making yourself the kind of person that you eventually want to end up with. That means you have to obtain the qualities for which you search in others.
With that said, when I write points of what I might be looking for even if it is this guy: 


 I am well aware of the fact that there is no human on the planet that has every single one of the qualities I could make a list for.
Some say you should do this (like my mother) I had a good friend went through a divorce made a list of 100 things she wanted in a guy pulled it on a first date and then married that man a few years later.....I think it worked out she sorta stopped talking to any of us but you know as the good book "He's not that into says" Exception not the rule. 

 Do I really think that there’s a guy out there that’s going never going to be mad at me? Uh, I even get mad at myself, so of course not! I know how difficult I can be! I once said I wanted someone who was quick witted and made me feel kind of stupid, I dated that and it was horrible so now I say  No!
Thats the thing....This is what dating is for to learn these things. To learn what we want. Its helping us pave the way to learn a little about ourselves and hopefully figure out a person we would match well with. To learn about the qualities we like in ourselves and someone we want to share our lives with. What is important is the level of effort being put forth to achieve those qualities.
A lot of women are conditioned to believe in a fairy-tale future that is commonly criticized for being unrealistic. Well, if we believe a prince is going to come on a horse and save us from our terrible lives, (although I do clean up after what could be called the seven dwarfs right now and so you know if I did move in with a guy after this place it would kinda be like that right) 



also this is pretty much how a wink so nailed it!! 

I  agree with that statement; however, I think there’s an opposite and just as damaging idea that women should choose the first nice guy that comes along and not be as “picky.”
Honestly, is it really that unrealistic to try and find a man who treats you like a princess (and you treat him like a prince) who is also handsome and normal and shares some interests with you? It hurts my heart to think that the next guy who likes me and also happens to be nice is all that I should desire in a relationship.

While being nice is a great quality, I think most people would agree that a guy who spends all of his free time on a computer or playing video games or at a bar pretty much nullifies “nice” and points to way bigger issues. We should just choose that man because, what? No one is perfect?


“Well,” you might say, “the only quality that really matters is whether or not he’s a good person.” Defining that is subjective and based on experience and not likely to be useful to someone who has only been treated poorly.
“Well, you could end up alone if you keep this up. You might get to a place where you wish you would’ve given someone in your past more of a chance.”
Let me be clear: there is always someone else. I realize that some people aren’t going to get married, but picking someone because you don’t want to end up alone is much less fulfilling than picking someone because you can’t imagine your life without them.
You deserve the best of the best. You deserve the kind of guy that you meet and are immediately attracted to, that you get excited just to see, that makes you feel like you want to be the best person possible so maybe they’ll want to be with you too.



I refuse to believe that type of man doesn’t exist for me, or for you. I also believe that any two people who are genuinely “good” can be happy together–but can you be the most happy and the most fulfilled? 
And I know they exists and its not purely and idea. I am best friends with them, I am sister of them, I work with them, I read what the write, they may not be the one for me but the teach me and help me see maybe some things I would want to put on paper. 
Lastly, I had someone tell me that if a man has the “potential” to be all the qualities I want, we can help each other grow through a relationship. That, to me, is exactly the reason why women stay in abusive relationships. I know from experience that potential means nothing if not being actively worked towards, and results are being seen.
Maybe a list isn't a horrible idea perhaps provides a good foundation for qualities I can be striving towards obtaining and searching out for all the people I share my life with. As far as my standards being too high, I recognize that I’m not going to end up with someone perfect, but there are men out there that are perfect for me. And for you.

and.......

I'm starting to think....


But in A good way for others not so much myself. Like that terrible movie good luck chuck where every guy I had a relationship with finds the one after me.....I only caught part of this movie in a background sense while at a friends house so I haven't seen the ending.



I am I not finding this person like they are?

Well I guess I am doing a good thing.....


Friday, May 29, 2015

PSA


it’s not your job to entertain him by sending him nudes

it’s not your job to satisfy him sexually because he’s horny

you are not required to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or that you don’t want to do

don’t be scared of “losing him”

he most likely wasn’t anything worth keeping.

Tell all the girls 



Thursday, May 28, 2015

Instant gratification

I have been waiting to go back to online dating till after my hair cut (its best to have updated photos and such) I got a message today and its been two months so I thought what the heck. Turns out we like the same football team and had some crazy things in common. Then he asked how quickly I like to move on the site and I said I am kinda old fashioned and he said:

I typically move pretty fast too. Nothing crazy, but grab drinks and see how it goes... if it goes well, take things home and see how we fare there. =]


I will be real with you and say this has happened on a date, I will also be real with you and tell you if I knew this was planned out beforehand I would of said no. 



I feel like a very old fashioned girl when it comes to dating I want to be asked out on a Monday for a date on Friday, I want a natural progression to come out of things not a sleazy plan. I remember asking my aunt about this and she said we live in a world where people want instant gratification.

I feel like I am goldilocks of dating I don't want the fast guy and well as we all know I don't want the guy that leaves me hanging for two months, I need it just right. 

 thats why its called Mister right BOOM 



Sunday, May 24, 2015

Delete


I delete the magician off of my facebook this morning. I know it took me forever but I think it was like watching something unsure and confused I think I compared it to a drunk donkey you couldn't stop watching and you wanted to know what was going to happen.

I also thought okay maybe we'll just be friends but its clear in his two am text messages that isn't what he wants




he clearly isn't making  an effort to date me, he's been trying to get me to send him photos and him to send me photos and my aunt tells me that there are those people but uh yeah why do I want that....


I just wasn't sure




So last night I came home and got a little tipsy with my roommate over cocktails and just talked and so by the time I got my nightly two am the booty call of text I was like this

I also realized I should call him on his bluff. So I said you want to do those thing come over here then. But I was onto him and knew that wouldn't happen.

So you don't even want me for a one night stand......




When I logged onto facebook he was bragging about his friend being on a show that I actually like and I thought oh well thats kinda cool but then I thought you know what I don't care. I shouldn't care. I don't need to know what he is doing or who he is friends with. Clearly he is just this person that collects people on facebook and I'm not going to be one of them. I also deserve to be treated better then he has treated me. So i'm done.

I'm going to get back out there (its been two months) and sure there will probably be more bad dates but there could be a good one I deserve to at least try and find that.

and you know bottom line even if they are bad dates at least they were guys who deemed me worthy enough to give me there time, and well as for you magic castle guy


Thursday, May 21, 2015

This is a good one.


I wouldn't normally share a dates name on here but this is just too good not to share. His name was Donny and he looked just liked Donny Osmand! In fact I have a friend I give all my dates information before I leave for the date and give her everything from his profile and she logged onto my account and was like yeah I knew it must be him.

I looked hot for this date okay! He picked me up and had a place in mind, the place was a fairly busy area in Long Beach and it took us forever to find parking. Then we showed up at the place. It was sushi. I try not to eat sushi on a first date but you know if a guy doesn't give you a choice what are you going to do!!

Dinner went fine actually he told me a crazy story about his friend going on a date and when she didn't want to date a guy a second time he mailed her and itemized list of everything she owed him.





He did make one snide comment about how its stupid people take pictures of their food and me being sassy as crazy I took out my phone and did just that. 






We decided to walk to the beach and hang out. Let me give you a piece of advice you know those romantic beach scenes you see?

THEY LIE!!!!!!



We went at night, it was dark, the sand was cold and wet. Also let me point out that I am in date clothes a maxi dress and a denim jacket, not very warm. We sat there for hours holding hands and then talking and then out of nowhere he attacked my face with his face!


as in all of a sudden I am laying in the sand and he is on top of me. I guess the kissing wasn't horrible. He tasted like Broccoli cheese soup which I typically like and all but between that and being imprinted in cold wet sad my focus was not where it should be.

After much longer then it should of been (do you not feel my teeth chattering) I asked if we could go we made the walk back and came across the busy section where we had eaten Sushi. It was Midnight and it was in full club mode and drunk people were everywhere. My focus became not getting run into by one of them.

We came across a club that had a huge line. Donny was able to squeeze through but I had to go around. By the time I got back to him I saw this:

Uh.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................


I thought maybe the knew each other.

Well this guy is now losing a tooth and his friend and him is now following my date and then they see me and start saying sorry and I say

"oh its cool" because I have no idea what is going on

and the guys are following us so I can't ask.

Once we get back to the car I asked what that was about and he says

"that guy just bummed into me and thats not cool"


Now mind you I had just moved to the area and didn't know anyone which means I now had to ride in the car home with a guy and hold his hand that punches people (knocks out their teeth) because a very drunk guy "bumps into them"


I just went home and was like what in the world just happened. I was also thankful he must of thought I was a bad date because he didn't try and call me again (maybe it was the photo of our food I took)



Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Please!


1. I usually wait for them outside but this would be nice. You don't have to walk me to the door I don't to be kissing on the doorstep and have one of my roommates come out (just sayin)

2.  I always dress pretty nice. The one time I didn't was the one time he dressed in a suit, for a breakfast date at 10 am. Usually its me in my little black dress and heels and him in a cargo shorts and a plaid shirt (they all wear plaid shirts can someone tell me why that is? Even suit guy plaid under his suit)

3.  Hahaha I actually do this. I have baked cookies which hasn't always gone over well, I know there was more but the last one he was saying to me before the date that he buys too many nerdy T-shirts and doesn't have enough hangers and I had happened to have a extra Ikea Closet self thing and I gave it to him....He had no idea what it was till days later but he thought it was awesome. Yeah I'm a dork.

4.  I like to dance but I doubt this will happen till we really get to know each other.

5.  Please! I have actually made friends with people from dating sites and I have had some run ins that became very scary because I didn't think they were that interested. Its very confusing please make it clear.

6.  I've been strung along too many times. Please please please do this one!

7.  Well you know I think its all about the little things more. Example: I was dating a guy who was a single dad and a marine and I moved in to help him when his wife just up and left. I slept in the little girls room with her (it was the most complicated relationship in the history of the world) There was this great 24 hour diner walking distance from our house and I would hang out there every night with his best friend and just talk. One night while running out of the house I noticed the daughter had turned my bed into a fort but as in The mattresses were turned over and everything looked like a tornado had hit it. As I walked out I said "Emma's messed up my bed but its cool I will take care of it when I get back" When I walked back in my bed was made perfectly and it hit me with this wave of love for this man. Its the little things. I had had a long day and even though I had said I would take care of the bed he did it for me and it meant more to me and all the little things he did then if he ever wrote me a poem.

8. Most of my dates have done this. The worst date I ever went on I was on my phone the whole time. Its a good sign if someone is doing this they aren't interested.

9. After I watched Frozen for the first time and I saw that kiss I said to my mom "thats how it should be" 








































This will also help prevent me having to do that awkward dogging of a kiss I don't want. Course then it leads to an awkward conversation......been there......dating is hard.


10. NEVER!!!!! 


So what do you say peeps lets bring this back!! 


Monday, May 18, 2015

Sad songs, quotes to get you through, and Emergency Dance Party.


Music has always gotten me through everything in life. Relationships are no exception......maybe even moreso.

I have a system. I put on sad songs and look up things that make me nod my head and like they really know how I feel (I always seem to find them in the blogger world just when I need to)

I thought I would share some of what gets me though and it could help someone else. I would love to hear what you do, songs, quotes, all of that so please comment!!


First Song:

This little beauty came to me on a mixed CD from my best friend who I spent a lot of time crying with in person or over the phone about my current relationship. When I took a a internship in Missouri and he was supposed to come to and didn't I think she knew it was going to happen because she made me a really amazing girl power mix (sadly all my CD's were left behind when I had to quickly flee San Diego) but this song is still my go to heartbreak song.



My desires in a relationship have changed over time. I no longer want someone who promises to always love me and never leave me, I need someone who understands that life happens and sometimes things don’t work out. I don’t want someone who sugar coats things and never gets angry with me, I need someone to tell me how it really is and put me in my place. I need to be able to go five hours without talking to you and not feel lost or incomplete. I am complete without you. But with you, I want to be so much better. I want to be stronger with you. I want us to grow together and help each other grow individually. I don’t need you, but I really fucking want you. And this may not work out, but the fact that you understand all of this and this how our relationship works, makes me think we’ve got a pretty good shot.

I like to imagine with this beautiful number that this is whatever jerk has just broken my heart is left thinking......They should really I could of been the best thing to happen to them.


Relationships and people in general can really make you think, and you over think and its just crazy!! So the line the whole you ripped into my head really gets me.


Sometimes you don’t get closure. You just move on.

The one thing about dating is you never know if people mean what they say. Which is weird. I have had this happen where you are like ME too but someone thinks you are just saying something. I started just saying that talk is cheap and actions speak louder then words because I have had a lot of people tell me things but then I see no results from these words.


You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.
I'm a theatre nerd and when I discovered the last 5 years it not only became my new breakup movie it gave me a great breakup soundtrack, plus pretending to be a broadway star always makes me feel better.


A relit cigarette never tastes the same and that’s all I’ll preach on rekindling old flames.
I get a lot of guys that just call me when they are drunk, Horney, Lonely etc etc. So this song gets it.



Do you not understand?
I will not settle for anything less than a soul-deep, electrifying connection.



after my last breakup this was the song that got me and balled my head off and then had to redo my makeup and meet my aunt for a girls day which I met her at Disneyland and fell crossing the street and strangers ran out of their cars to help me.....it was a low day. 

You are on the floor crying,
and you have been on the floor crying 
for days.

And that is you being brave.
That is you getting through it
as best you know how. 
No one else can decide
What your tough looks like.



Its hard to give up on people. Sometimes you have to 

Sometimes it’s just done. Just walk away and move on. No ugly words. No formal goodbyes. Just no more.


Now I share with you my Emergency Dance Party Mix

I whenever I am sad have this moment where I just snap out of it play these songs and dance around my room and realize I am awesome, I have awesome friends, and a great life and one day someone will see that (or whatever is bringing me down in that moment.



I'm a 90s girl. Spice Girls will always make it better.





This is a great song when you stop caring and to just dance in your room

I can't not shake it like a Polaroid picture






Who doesn't need a song from the perfect guy and some rapping to make them feel better





This is also on my workout mix













Because sometimes you want someone to stay the night







This song is my life










I hope you guys enjoyed this because you all are pretty kick ass!!