Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The hardest question I have had to face while dating.......


Should you date someone who doesn't want kids???????


I feel like I've known my whole life I wanted to be a mom, from the dolls I played with to writing that in as what I wanted to do when I grew up in my American Girl's diary.

Sometimes that road has had its bumps. I had a camp out in my yard sleepover when I turned 18 and the topic of marriage and kids came up (I grew up in a small town its what you grew up to do....now that I think about it all but 3 of us girls in that tent now have kids....one of them is in prison though...) On this talk a girl said to me "But how can you be mom, how can you pick it up when it crying or carry it"

It stuck with me and Ironically the netflix film in the mail for me to watch the next morning was I am sam and I cried like the baby I wasn't sure I should have anymore.


Then I started to Nanny and care for kids and I learned I could do it in my own way. I learned that I loved these kids like they are my own. I could be a mom and I would be great at it.

I also took care of my cousins and learned this. I know not everyone wants to or has that naturing way to be a parent. I my friends have that.

The first time I thought I could make the choice to not be a mom I had met a guy online and he was wonderful and cool and I thought we don't need kids we can live amazing cool lives going to punk shows, Disneyland, and playing with light sabers.

but that ended and my boyfriend and I after him both wanted kids and family.

I have friends who are in the relationships where one wants a kid and one doesn't.....the one who dreams of kids dumbly thinks they will change their mind (I'm not that stupid) I get that it can happen and people change, it can also change where I wake up and realize you know I would rather not have kids. I also know how dumb the ending of How I met your mother and Ted's and Robin's relationship was.

When I started dating again this time I have come across a lot of guys who don't want kids.

I asked around if it worth it to date a guy who doesn't want kids.....I mean thats the end result to this dating thing right is you find someone who you would like to spend your life with.

I asked my aunt but she's 49 and single and doesn't want kids so her go and have fun rule I don't know does that apply to me?

My mom would say no.

I went on the date with the lawyer who wanted no kids and as we ate fancy food the topic came up.

It did work out in my favor once when a guy I was not interested in messaged me and he put in big bold letters I DON'T WANT KIDS on his profile first thing

I replied with I do want kids and never heard from him again.

Round two of great talks with mister magic last night we were texting till 3 am. We started talking and I brought up wanting kids and he doesn't. He said he is not paternal and that he loves being an Uncle but doesn't want his own. My stomach dropped.


Could I give up that part of what I picture for my life, can I use my maternal side to teach art to kids or volunteer?


I mean I can see the perks of not having kids. We can go out as we please. It would be all about us.


We could travel for a month, go places on a whim, save money.

We can continue to be kids......with kids comes great responsibility for another person.


We can focus on each other.

We both love big dogs maybe our dogs can just be our babies?

We can go to events and be present to more things.


We won't have to worry about kids in the bed or being to tired for sex.

We can travel together. Shooting a show in Vegas for a week? I can come with you!!!

we can go to crazy music festivals and not worry about the time or baby sitters

We can have parties at our place and late night game nights.


Just us.......




We can be selfish together


We can drive dream cars.

but I wonder if I choose this path would a piece of me always  be missing?




I mean I could hang out with my friends kids. I could be the cool aunt!! 

but would I every time I was with or
saw a kid would I wish for my own, wish that you would give me that?



and if this is the new norm of no one wanting to be parents where in the world do I find the guys that want to be a dad? 







Is wanting to be a dad a dying breed??? 

Would it come down to me making the choice to be a mom on my own? 

While sure I will happily have my own I have also leaned towards adoption more in the last few years. 


I could do this on my own. 


raise my babies. 


I have wonderful males in my life that could be the role models for my children. 

I mean sure I would love this....but what if that isn't how its going to happen? 





But would I want to do it on my own? 


I think for now I am going to meet him and see where this goes, for all I know I won't get even a second date. Like I keep saying First Magic Castle then we'll see where it goes. 

What do you think readers? When it comes to dating should you go with babies or maybes? 



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