Thursday, April 30, 2015

The date that wasn't (I wrote a poem weird)



The outfit picked out still hangs on the chair
the shoes are placed by the door.
Face still fresh from the facial.
Tears come out some more.

I know its not anyones fault
but disappointed is how this feels.
Please let this be real.

I keep glancing at the time
we would of been together
you could of been mine

but a baby girl was born today
 Healthy as can be
hooray

because a girl born 4 months early
can't really judge you girlie
For the bad timing its had
for two people.

maybe this is a test
for two people  who just
like the rest, are on a search
for love.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Well Guys.....



Well guys tomorrow is the big date!! I'm excited and a bit nervous but mostly excited. When you really love spending time talking to someone is so nice to see the person behind the screen and you just hope it goes as well in person. I expressed this a bit with him last night that we never know what will happen and he said he is certain we're going to get along fine. I really hope so.



I've spent the week doing beauty things so  I will feel good. Getting outfit advice from friends and making a plan. We've been talking a lot this week and the more I get to know I really like him so I am excited.


I tried to do research for how to get a second date. Weirdly there is more advice for the guy.....clearly we're hard to nail down. I actually should of read it to see what it said. What I found for us Ladies I pretty much do on dates already and clearly hasn't always helped so. You know what I am going to go on this with the hopes to just have a good time and see where it goes.

I did for a brief moment consider voodoo but I thinking I want to make sure someone smells good and doesn't chew with his mouth open before I tie my soul to his forever.

Funny story I did simple voodoo on my high school crush and one was to make a voodoo box. My friend Jamie found it one day in my room and I think I heard for weeks "YOU HAVE A VOODOO BOX!!"

Looking back I think it actually helped a little but its not like it was attaching his soul to mine for life so.....

anyways guys if you could send me good vibes, pray, do a spiritual date dance, keep your fingers crossed or whatever it is you do please send a little my way.



Tuesday, April 28, 2015

a little online dating advice

Dating is rough, even when its good we over think everything. I have had a few people come to me for advice and here it is:

 If you define online dating success with how many dates you get or how many year long relationships you have, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Nowadays, the success is in not wanting to chew your arm off, quitting or giving up. Those Match.com ads telling you about all those marriages? It’s a selling point. It’s not reality. The majority of people who use these sites end up dating dozens and dozens of people for a long time until they meet someone that turns out to be long term. Nobody..and I mean nobody…should be on those sites looking for a relationship.
Those sites are for getting you dates. YOU’RE the one who gets you the relationship. And that takes time and effort and experience. The goal as far as I’m concerned is to avoid getting burnt out, duped or disheartened


You got this sweethearts don't give up!! 


Sunday, April 26, 2015

Pressure is on


After a lot of waiting and moment last night where I thought maybe this guy and I aren't going to meet (it happens) at 3 am this morning we set a date. For Drinks on Thursday......which means since the end result with this guy was to get to magic castle at least I have to figure out how to secure a 2nd date.....which is rare in the dating world of me. While the pressure is on to finally meet a great guy its just sky rocketed.

We have a lot in common so hopefully this translates to the date. Text have been great but if I have learned anything from my bad dates this is not an indicator. I'm not to worried about that though I can totally give a guy a few chances. What scares me deep down to my core in this moment is its going to go great and then I never hear from him......magic castle.....eeeee

Do I need to start studying how to be a perfect date? Normally I would feel,1st date  Forget about whats going to happen and just have fun and let your playful side show. But we're already past that like him saying he wants to kiss me and the picking a place near my house and asking if I have roommates....Sure this could be getting to know you conversation....it could also be a booty call, and if things lead there does that for sure mean no second date!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH


Post my breakup 2 years ago i watched this blind date matchmaker dating show and wrote down all the notes the matchmakers had to learn from. This show was cancelled but now might be a good time to review them all. 


dating notes 
Feel confident and sexy. Be Sexy. Think Sexy. Don't say things like Fart. 
Don't be nervous. 
Only say things sexy. essential, and from the heart. 
No insecurity. 
Let him feel like a man. Take his Jacket, Let him do things, Don't fight him on it. 
Don't think about yourself
Figure out how to connect physically if you have a connection.
Don't start drama. Don't get down. Don't feel awkward. 
When times are hard be supportive. When things are bad still be happy. 
Get along with everyone and stay cool. 
Figure out how to give off a sexy vibe.
Own your standards.
Open up and let them in. 
Be cool and don't seem like they need to take care of me. 
Don't prove yourself to men let men prove themselves to you.
Step out of your comfort zone. Don't worry about anyone else. 
Don't share everything. Once a guy figures everything out about you he's done. 
 Find a man of character
Take compliments 
If you don't get what you want make it better not worse. 
No potty talk.

(yeah okay list your right)



Stand next to him touch his back if feeling a connection. 
Notice when things make someone uncomfortable. 
Be able to compromise
Take them in with your eyes and be present. 
You can ask for contact. You can make the first move. 
You can direct your conversation to the person they are talking to while touching back. Building a slow connection, like at party or group setting. 
You can have your excuses or you can have the guy you can't have both. 
have a sense of certainty and know what you want. 
Gotta let the guy lead. 
Be playful keep up tension. Create a secret hand shake, Being really happy and playful, Secret hand shake with a kiss ;) 
Be buddy but when you feel a connection let it flow and have a sexy connection 
Show sides, Playful, fun and sexy. 
Be interested in them and be interesting. Ask them how they got started in their work. 
Be outrageous and think of sexy things on the date! 













Remember you are a Hot red headed goddess









What are 3 things that make you different from every other guy, the 3 things that make me different from every other girl. 
Show girlfriend vibe instead of friends when getting to that level. 
Learn to make sexy eyes. 
I can either tell you or show you what I am thinking. 
Do something together don't make it about you. 







Some of these can be future plans: 


Talk about plans together. 
If you try again you need to tell him he can trust you and show him you can trust him. Trust exercise. Start new. 
Hand around neck when kissing. 
Wear sexiest Lingerie. I am wearing my  sexiest Lingerie and I can't wait for you to see them :) 
Do something bold. Give them an experience. Go in for a kiss (maybe) 
Role play. What would we do the morning after we spend a night together? 
Mirror him. Move when he moves. Share with a guy that you can't wait to show them off! 
Set higher standards. 
Would you make me breakfast in bed? 
Stay classy like a steak (not a burger) you can serve it though with a naughty little side of fries :) 
Don't be abrasive and judgey 
Tell him two things about you and open up. 
With a life partner you have to be able to stimulate them physically, emotionally and mentally. 
Flaw: Its hard for me to let people do things for me I feel like I have to prove myself. 
Don't respond badly. Don't go to crazy place when you're scared. If I am scared then I need to make changes and put my energy in good ways. 
show him all the sides of you. 
Kiss his neck when you want to be kissed.
Don't put yourself down or point out flaws.



So while I will be spending the week ingraining that all into my brain (its actually not horrible advice I hadn't seen it in a long time and was wondering......

I will also be pampering myself so that I feel good. I have some home spa stuff to try. 

I also might pick up what I can in case that one though I had might happen. 

I am also stressing out what to wear magic castle yeah I can plan but the man follows me on facebook which means he has seen all my best outfits :/ 


I am excited for this date and meeting him and I am really hopeful that it does go well. 



I guess I just have to remember 


Thursday, April 23, 2015

This crazy game called....Finding love

There are a lot of opinions out there in the world about everything......I feel like 80% of those are what to do in your dating life.


Needless to say I am bad at this but I find that guys do come around more when I don''t seem interested which is so not me to play these games.  The whole hard to get thing is just crazy to me. 

Let them miss you. Sometimes when you’re always available, they take you for granted because they think you’ll always stay.

I said this to my best friend and she said yes but that's not you to do that and sure sometimes that works but you aren't being true to yourself or them and don't you want them to like you for you and you them? 
She's so smart: 

life is short and weird and it’s important to tell people how you really feel about them
I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologize because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest.
Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.

this is more my style 

Or Post like this one
They will find time to spend with you, even if it’s 5 minutes out of the day. “Busy” or not.



NO
It’s just not true.
If the trust is reciprocal, than you don’t need to talk every day. Sometimes people are busy. lives happen. Jobs happen. People happen. It’s harmful to friendships and relationships alike to uphold this sort of paradigm; if they care about you they will still care about you no matter how busy they are. And if you trust them you’ll know that they still care even if they can’t squeeze out some time for you. 


I think doubt is always going to be there and its hard to know what to do with all these things being thrown out there. 

I consistently leave social situations feeling like I’ve talked too much and too loudly, and emphatically said things I don’t mean. I leave wishing I’d given more compliments and eaten more slowly. How do other people speak so fluidly, tell their stories so gracefully? I am messy and hungry and always swearing, always starting my sentences without knowing where they’ll end. 


Then again there is always just the really great advice. 
Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Floss.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.

also there is a rule you aren't suppose to have to-go boxes on a date I don't follow that one either.....like my to-go box rule I say go with your gut. 


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The hardest question I have had to face while dating.......


Should you date someone who doesn't want kids???????


I feel like I've known my whole life I wanted to be a mom, from the dolls I played with to writing that in as what I wanted to do when I grew up in my American Girl's diary.

Sometimes that road has had its bumps. I had a camp out in my yard sleepover when I turned 18 and the topic of marriage and kids came up (I grew up in a small town its what you grew up to do....now that I think about it all but 3 of us girls in that tent now have kids....one of them is in prison though...) On this talk a girl said to me "But how can you be mom, how can you pick it up when it crying or carry it"

It stuck with me and Ironically the netflix film in the mail for me to watch the next morning was I am sam and I cried like the baby I wasn't sure I should have anymore.


Then I started to Nanny and care for kids and I learned I could do it in my own way. I learned that I loved these kids like they are my own. I could be a mom and I would be great at it.

I also took care of my cousins and learned this. I know not everyone wants to or has that naturing way to be a parent. I my friends have that.

The first time I thought I could make the choice to not be a mom I had met a guy online and he was wonderful and cool and I thought we don't need kids we can live amazing cool lives going to punk shows, Disneyland, and playing with light sabers.

but that ended and my boyfriend and I after him both wanted kids and family.

I have friends who are in the relationships where one wants a kid and one doesn't.....the one who dreams of kids dumbly thinks they will change their mind (I'm not that stupid) I get that it can happen and people change, it can also change where I wake up and realize you know I would rather not have kids. I also know how dumb the ending of How I met your mother and Ted's and Robin's relationship was.

When I started dating again this time I have come across a lot of guys who don't want kids.

I asked around if it worth it to date a guy who doesn't want kids.....I mean thats the end result to this dating thing right is you find someone who you would like to spend your life with.

I asked my aunt but she's 49 and single and doesn't want kids so her go and have fun rule I don't know does that apply to me?

My mom would say no.

I went on the date with the lawyer who wanted no kids and as we ate fancy food the topic came up.

It did work out in my favor once when a guy I was not interested in messaged me and he put in big bold letters I DON'T WANT KIDS on his profile first thing

I replied with I do want kids and never heard from him again.

Round two of great talks with mister magic last night we were texting till 3 am. We started talking and I brought up wanting kids and he doesn't. He said he is not paternal and that he loves being an Uncle but doesn't want his own. My stomach dropped.


Could I give up that part of what I picture for my life, can I use my maternal side to teach art to kids or volunteer?


I mean I can see the perks of not having kids. We can go out as we please. It would be all about us.


We could travel for a month, go places on a whim, save money.

We can continue to be kids......with kids comes great responsibility for another person.


We can focus on each other.

We both love big dogs maybe our dogs can just be our babies?

We can go to events and be present to more things.


We won't have to worry about kids in the bed or being to tired for sex.

We can travel together. Shooting a show in Vegas for a week? I can come with you!!!

we can go to crazy music festivals and not worry about the time or baby sitters

We can have parties at our place and late night game nights.


Just us.......




We can be selfish together


We can drive dream cars.

but I wonder if I choose this path would a piece of me always  be missing?




I mean I could hang out with my friends kids. I could be the cool aunt!! 

but would I every time I was with or
saw a kid would I wish for my own, wish that you would give me that?



and if this is the new norm of no one wanting to be parents where in the world do I find the guys that want to be a dad? 







Is wanting to be a dad a dying breed??? 

Would it come down to me making the choice to be a mom on my own? 

While sure I will happily have my own I have also leaned towards adoption more in the last few years. 


I could do this on my own. 


raise my babies. 


I have wonderful males in my life that could be the role models for my children. 

I mean sure I would love this....but what if that isn't how its going to happen? 





But would I want to do it on my own? 


I think for now I am going to meet him and see where this goes, for all I know I won't get even a second date. Like I keep saying First Magic Castle then we'll see where it goes. 

What do you think readers? When it comes to dating should you go with babies or maybes?