Tuesday, March 31, 2015

A good thing to remember

You are not a burden.
You are not a bother.
You enhance the lives of others.
People smile, not groan, when you text them.
Your voice.
Your presence.
You, matter.

The scary world of online dating

I know that online dating can be scary especially if you have a disability but its just how we meet people now. 

Honestly it has it perks. 

For people who’ve never interacted with a person who is disabled, the first time can be intimidating and people tend to judge me (who thinks physical challenges comes with mental challenges)  by meeting online this way I can say "Hey look I've rock climbed, work a real job, and I am also sexy as hell" Exchanging a few flirtatious messages online, though, paves the way for a smooth first date.
also I can go through and be like oh they hate gay people well yeah we can't be friends if I were to meet someone in a bar it could take awhile to get to that. 

Its rough out there though so let me give you some tips! 

Don't Take it personally
If you’re doing the online thing, there’s no time to be hanging around with people you’re not interested in, better to just tell them and be grateful if someone does the same for you, don’t you think?
When someone rejects you, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just that you’re not right for them. It’s the same with job interviews, they’re not judging your worth as a person, they’re judging your compatibility for the job.
If you allow other people’s opinions to form the basis of your self-worth, you’ll be miserable and confused your whole life, like the cliched celebrity who has everything they want then self destructs because they realize it’s all a lie.
Your self-worth and confidence is your responsibility, you cannot control what happens to you, your circumstances or how people treat you. You can only control the way you react to your situation.
If you’re disabled, the reality is you probably are going to get rejected for it at some point because not everyone will want to deal with it. That’s their problem, not yours. It’s no different than if you have an obsessive hobby, obscure fetish, weird personality trait or frankly, an ugly face – you’re just not right for some people.

But focus on the good things, here is an example: 

Start with a great opening line and some things you love 

 I adore  laughter, books, honesty, music, curiosity, the beach, leisurely conversations about everything, food, travel, A good board game night

I am person that has a disability but isn’t wholly defined by it. It’s there, it is part of me and my life but there is also so much more to me.

and go from there. 

I know a lot of people say wait till you start talking before dropping the disabled bomb
“dropping the D-bomb.”
 “I always disclose my disability right away in my profile and photos,” Just like  you would want to know if a potential date has a messy divorce-in-progress if someone has kids or only does open relationships or just looking for sex, This girl  feels that disability is an important fact that potential partners should know from the beginning. 

I should tell them about my Disability?!?!?! 

There is someone who is going to love you for you. Plus it  gives you a lot to worry about when to tell them peoples reactions are not always great. You should be someone who likes you for you all of you and if this is a deal breaker for them let them move on. Its their loss anyways. 

I would also say let people ask you questions and yes you'll have to answer some dumb ones but chances are they've never thought of dating someone with a disability and so if you want to give them a shot you have to help them see why they should give you shot (you'll get a lot of sex questions of course) 

A day running errands in public can involve multiple strangers asking invasive questions about your body and abilities. The anonymity of the Internet, however, gives the curious a new kind of boldness.

Since there are 1 billion people with disabilities around the world, it should come as no surprise that a plethora of disability-specific dating sites exist. Phrases like “Find your disabled soul mate!” and “Playing disabled cupid” are sprinkled across websites like DisabilityDating.com and Dating4Disabled.com. While there are apparently hundreds of registered users on these websites

IF your nervous try that but its not my thing I don't want to limit myself. I  feel that my disability doesn’t—or shouldn’t—limit me  to dating only people who have disabilities also. While society might view a physical difference as one big “Other” sign tied to  backs,  I merely view it as a small part of my identity.On other dating sites I find disabled people do seek me out and its usually for support 
"Hey hows it going on here for you" 

After mocking ClownDating.com, for instance, is a singles community for professional clowns, aspirational clowns, or people who just find clowns sexy. And for those ’80s kids who long for the days of “business in the front, party in the back,” MulletPassions.com exists to my best friend she said "there is a place on the internet for everyone. 

You  my loves are worthy of finding love!!! 

and no matter what happens out there 

Monday, March 30, 2015

The Stoner

I don't smoke weed. Not my thing. Probably because my lungs suck to begin with why torture them more. Also I just have no interest.

I have friends that do and thats fine. Well in dating there are quite a few guys into it. I decided to give this one guy a chance but the difference between him and my friends became clear there is I get high sometimes and straight up stoner. Straight up fit every thing you would think of as me as a stoner like this is my life this is what defines me. That was this guy.

also he worked in a Pot shop and this was the 2nd guy ( the other worked in Porn) that I was like what would I tell my mom he does for a living?!??!?!?

But with some pushing from my roommate (someone wanted a hook up) I decided eh I will give this guy a shot. 

He picked that we should get sushi, now I have to explain something about me and my relationship with food. 

My Cerebral Palsy effects my hands which effects how I eat sometimes, I also choke often when I eat because the throat is a muscle (its no big deal I just always have to make sure I have a drink) 
I can feel self conscious eating in front of people because of it, it doesn't help that I had a abusive step dad who was mean about these things but anyways. 

I love Sushi but for me to eat it with you I have to trust you, I can't eat with chopsticks and well I also can't fit a whole piece of sushi in my mouth it can be quite the mess, My ex and I went out for Sushi once and the waitress slammed down a pile of napkins next to me (he understood my eating issues and always tried to help so we just laughed) but you get the picture.

So I didn't want to get Sushi on a first date but I did and It actually wasn't so bad and the conversation was good but then he worked called and he went out to be on the phone for awhile. 

We then tried to go to the Walt Disney Museum but its only open on Sundays. So I had mentioned that  I thought Mini Golf made the perfect date so we did that. 

Why Mini Golf, its an activity. I have had a lot of dates where we just sat on benches and talked and while that was fun if the conversation is boring well at least this way you can talk and have something to do. I also went on a date with a guy who I think had ADHD or something and couldn't sit still and chose to go to the mall (It was the middle school date I never went on but more on him later) It would of been better if we had say gone to the aquarium. 

Plus if they are sore loser this a good test. 

Have you seen the movie "no strings attached"? its one of my favorites! anyways we actually went to this golf course which is also one of my favorites. 

It was actually pretty fun and well I won!! I think it would of been even better with better company. 

Well in our talks prior to meeting he had said he had never seen Frozen and we should watch it sometime since I own it, I said sure meaning you know that this would happen down the road sometime after we got to know each other better. 

Well he wanted to come over now and I was unsure about this and made every excuse in the book but he was determined to watch Frozen! 

So he came over and watched Frozen and then left and when I retold my roommate he told it was a bad idea for me to date him. 


Sunday, March 29, 2015

an outside view

I mentioned how it takes a village a couple of days ago but I cannot stress this enough.  You get trapped in that relationship bubble and it can be hard to take a step back and see what is going on, thats what your friends are for. 

I went to my best friends and we talked it out and she said everything I needed to hear and told me things I didn't even think about. 

From what the guy did was emotional abuse. 

 I know you're beating yourself up that the great guy didn't call you back but it was nothing you did because he wanted to see you again, he made effort to see you again. What it sounds like is he is horrible at contact outside of seeing someone in person and since he couldn't make seeing you in person work maybe he realized he couldn't make it work and shouldn't date right now, or maybe he met someone else he can see someone in person more, it has nothing to do with you! 

I once had a great lunch with a guy who asked for my number after which means he liked me enough to ask for my number but then he never called which means that was on him weather he decided he didn't want to date me or whatever it was 

but this means that they liked you after what you did and you didn't do anything to make them stop. 

and I know a lot of my friends have been there for me and I can't thank you enough for helping me through this 

My roommate told me I need to stop talking about my dating life but you all seem to be enjoying it. 

Now I have been the same person back to said friend and many friends so it works both ways and if any of you just need someone to talk to I am always here for you!! 

Friday, March 27, 2015

all dressed up.

Dressing for a date used to be super stressful for me. 

If you are nervous I suggest pinterest 

I have a board for not only a to do list that can help you pick a date place 

(hey if its bad at least you finally got to try the place with great pie) 

anyways I also have a board for makeup and hair ideas which is a good go to and I have one for not just clothes I want to buy but inspiration where I can be like 

"hey I never thought of pairing that together" 

and so thats helpful for dates. 

But honestly wear what you feel good in!! 

If you feel good then that is going to show! 

I am a girl who likes dresses but I like it casual to so I pair them together. 

Wear what you want! 

I would also say plan based on what you are doing and maybe go off a little of what you know about the guy. 

One date told me he likes girls in leggings so I took that. 

One guy took me on a date in a convertible so I put my hair back

If its just coffee don't over do it. 

and if you have no clue go Lorelai Gilmore 

Now when it comes with my disability I worry about shoes and if we will be doing a lot of walking but I think flats are great all around if you aren't sure.

My main concern is what kind of car they drive. If its something I have to climb into I want to make sure I don't flash them :)

But just ask them what kind of car they drive you can make it seem like you are asking like you want to know what to look for.

Makeup and hair just go with what you like. I like to rock red Lipstick :)

and if you don't want to do that at least try and smell good 

Tip for guys

I love when my dates smell good.

Come to think of it I love when things smell good in general. 

also listen to Ed Sheeran's album Multiply he has some lyrics like

"You look so wonderful in that dress" 

"You don't need makeup" 

It makes a girl feel good. 

Beyonce is also good too 

I actually used to watch Girl Code as I got ready ha! 

To sum this up don't stress and just do what you like and it will come shining through.