Friday, May 31, 2013

Everyone must read this book!!

Everyone needs to read this book!! I cried after the 1st story! I texted everyone I knew to read it by the second and I am not even half way done and I am going to buy it and loan it out and if it never comes back keep buying it and one days when I might need a little pick me up I'll find a story to read from it!

A man wrote in who his physically not that good looking, has some disabilities and doesn't think he can find love (HELLO story of my life) I heard what I have told myself all the time, what I tell other people but its nice to have it in words for when the low moments come.

I was just talking about this with my friend Katie today and she told me never to think that so quotes from this story will be places everywhere so that I can remember.

The love you gain from your friends is proof that someday someone will love you. Not in the way they love you not just as a friend but in that way.

The love I get from my friends is amazing. I have been so blessed by this. So if that above statement is true and I really think it then it will happen! It makes me so blessed to have these wonderful people who share and show me love and teach me about it everyday!

and of course the next quote I say all the time, but to have it said in these words is just amazing. So maybe instead of dear future love of my life I should write "dear Uber-cool sparkle rocket mind-blower"

By not being "Normal-looking" a lot of people will immediately X you out as a romantic partner for this reason. Thats okay. You don't need those people.By stepping aside, they've done you a favor, Because what you've got left after the fools have departed are the old souls and the true hearts. Those are the Uber-cool sparkle rocket mind-blowers we're after. Those are the people worthy of your love.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I won't lose hope

Dating is rough these days. Guys wanting to just hook up. Guys not wanting to give you a chance. Then there is the handful of guys you spend the time chatting with trying to decide if you'll have a good time if you take this thing live with food and drink between you. I was standing in the grocery store parking lot waiting for my roommate to come out watching all these couples come out and I thought "thats what I want, what I thought I had this person to make a Memorial day run with me on the way to friends BBQ" Well I still want all that and if you have a dream you work at it so, I'm working at it. My aunt just gave up because she found out she was in a two year relationship with a married guy! A friend always talks about how she should just go back to hear dead beat old boyfriend. Hearing these sad stories makes me worry that if these amazing girls can't find someone.... It also makes me glad that I wasn't dating a married guy or didn't get broken up with over a text message.

I read this today and restored my hope! You should read them too!! they are amazing

Today, when I tapped the side of my wheelchair and told my husband, “You’re the only reason I want to be free from this contraption,” he kissed me on my forehead and said, “Honey, I don’t even see that thing.”

I need to find the guy that won't see the canes hanging from my arms. Won't see me as a girl with a disability. I thought I found that but I didn't. So I'll keep searching for him.

I dated a guy like this. I still have a photo of us him on his knees to next to me in the photo. He was wonderful and we're still good friends. We're just on different paths.

So if I can read these stories and find a little piece of me in them I am not going to give up hope.

I will meet the guy not scared to be with me

I will fall in love

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

You've helped shape my heart.

In some ways I think I'll never be over him. The love that I felt for him was huge and real and while painful it forever changed me as a person in the same way that being a sister to someone reflects and changes how I evolve and vice versa. The important people in our lives leave imprints. They may stay or go in a physical realm, but they are always in your heart, because they helped form your heart. There is no getting over that.

I adore this book

My roommate goes to the Library every tuesday and we reserve books to be picked up. Some come from other places. Some I am on a wait list for. I had put another book by this author on my list and when I was reading the plots of a lot of his other books I was like okay I want to read all of them!

Lily has left a red notebook full of challenges on a favorite bookstore shelf, waiting for just the right guy to come along and accept its dares. But is Dash that right guy? Or are Dash and Lily only destined to trade dares, dreams, and desires in the notebook they pass back and forth at locations across New York? Could their in-person selves possibly connect as well as their notebook versions? Or will they be a comic mismatch of disastrous proportions?

I love this idea I wonder if I could pull it off. Yes this is a young adult book but I still enjoy it and find a lot of the themes relevant to my 28 year old life as well.

First it adds to my Disney nerdness like with lines that read "Tell me what you supercalifragawant?" and a fake Pixar movie about office supplies that fall in love.

Lines that read exactly what I to want:
I want to believe there is a somebody out there just for me. I want to believe that I exist to be there for that somebody

at the current part I am at a section where they talk about the girl and boy in your head. How you have the perfect one for you in your head and everyone else you date till you find "in-head" person is just helping you kill time but the scary part is when you meet the person you think is in your head you'll start to get to know them and realize no one can be completely what you want in your head.

I think this is oh so oh so true. Currently as I embark on meeting people the image in my head and if they don't meet that image I know that it probably won't go far unless they can surprise me!

I also realize that I sit in a weird place where most people don't picture their perfect person to have a disability and walk around with canes like the old guy from up, then again that person in your head you could marry them and one day then end up in a car accident. You have to ask yourself if you'd be willing to stay. I need to person that is willing to stay already.

I am half way though the book. I will keep you posted and I read and plot to do this as well in my own life :)

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What it comes down to....

I need a guy that knows how to make me show off the Big smile, who I will look at with sparkling mischief in my eyes he tells me are the most beautiful eyes he's seen. The one that causes my shoulders to shake with laughter all the time. The one that causes my nose to scrunch up as he tells me something kinda gross. Legs that tangle with mine when we fall asleep together watching a movie on the couch. Hands that fit perfectly with mine.

And an ass that doesn’t quit. Just kidding. It’s not about looks. Really. I’ve been shallow. I’ve fallen for “beauty” before brains. But when I discover that we can’t laugh because he doesn’t get my jokes or there’s no appreciation for late night conversations that spill into sunrises, when he doesn’t challenge me and ends up making me feel a little bit like an idiot, when he can’t render me speechless with his wit and intellect…suddenly that “hot” guy with the done up hair and carefully styled outfit is nothing but a boring, empty shell.

I’m not saying that outer appearance doesn’t affect me. I’m human. We all are, but at the end of the day, someone who is amazing on the inside will radiate an energy that makes them beautiful to anyone worth a damn.

Why I write letters to those in my future

Every now and then i lie awake at night thinking about the person who i'm supposed to end up with and how much i already love him(which feels crazy because i have no clue who he is). I find myself picturing simple little scenarios with whoever this person might be and fall asleep pretending he's right there beside me.

Doubt and fear are bound to invade our existence from time to time. You have to have the dark to balance the light. Whenever I’m feeling down, especially about love, I re-read old posts, check out other similar people that post the same thing sometimes I write it down and say "yes I want that too." Doing that when I am down sooner or later, I’m bound to have a smile on my face.

I write this because I need to get it out of my system. When I’m overwhelmed with stress or other negative emotions, (even when it’s pure joy) it’s easier to pour my heart out here than it would be to my buddies sometimes. I truly believe that it’s possible that I’ve already met him. Sometimes I think I have yet to meet him. The awesome thing is, we’re both finding our ways to each other. I don’t know when or who or how, but I do know it will happen.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

I am (fill in the blank)

I watch an Oprah special yesterday about how you shouldn't put things into the air because they come true so you shouldn't say things like "I am fat" "I am broke" "I am unhappy" because they come true. So Oprah and various other people involved with Oprah says that you should turn it into a positive and then it will happen, so I am going to start and I thought I would start here today!

I am capable of finding the love of my life without settling. He's out there! He's waiting for me to find him too!

I am going to start an amazing business and be a success at it!

I am beautiful. I am thin. I am lovely. I am amazing!

I am going to be a good mother someday!

I am capable of getting everything I want out of life.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Dear future love of my life

I used to think we'd match and be similar but perhaps we will be opposite. The guy I think about now is the opposite (maybe you are him) If this is the case we'll need to balance each other out. No matter what we are both like I hope we can be there for each other, For the times I grow impatient, I need you to be patient, calm, and understanding. For the times I am crazy and irrational, I need you to comfort and talk sense into me; to help me think straight. For the times I grow weary and unmotivated, I need you to be strong and courageous. You need to show me love when I can’t see or feel it (or don’t want to).

I hope that you are the better half of me. Someone I admire and look up to. Someone I want to be like - who reflects me in a better light.

I hope you’re everything I wish I was.

I look forward to the moments where we can just sit together while I drink my tea and you drink your tea or coffee, and we just enjoy each others presence. Neither feeling obligated to talk and the silence isn’t awkward but comforting!

I cannot live without atleast one dog, so yeah, you better like dogs!

Did I mention I want a great dane?

I will always be a kid at heart. I will play games and mess around with chips, ice cream, watch DVD copies of Harry Potter and will read YA books. I will run up and down the hill and dance under the rain and watch the stars at night. And please, don’t be a grumpy because I want to be silly with you. I want us to be kids and have fun and laugh out loud. I want to share these things with you because, well, you know why.

“I love you, to infinity and beyond”

Dating is scary

It really is. The rules. Guys only looking for one thing. If the conversation is bad. I don't like it but I guess we have to do it!

Dear you, I'm waiting to love you!

“Dear You,

I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.

There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.

In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.

Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.

Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away,I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably becausemeeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.

A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.

I may already know you or may still meet you someday - something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.

However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities - there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.

I can promise to be your best friend however - that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.

I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.

I’ll respect your night-outs with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.

I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you - even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.

I’ll listen to you rmusic and we’ll go on epic adventures together - seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.

I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you - I will love you for you.

You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars on the beach.

You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am - and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.

You’ll be that someone I envision a future with - us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.

So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.

With the hope I will be yours for always,


When things appear in a dream

I'm known for having really weird dreams.

Post my breakup I had a really vivid dream about meeting my ex's mother and step dad. We had lunch and then we went to this tree house where she told me that he missed me a lot and that she hoped we would work it out (all that stuff) I woke up intrigued by it. Couldn't find any meanings in dreaming such things and then realized that I was suppose to go Whale watching with him and his parents to meet them and it was probably around that time that I was suppose to.

The other day I was on Pinterest and going through things I might want to check out in Long Beach (you've seen the post you know) and I came across this tree house, the tree house from my dream!!! Like CRAZY I had to go check it out I said only whoever posted it lied about its Location and its 4 hours from me in Northern California :( but now I feel like I have to go see it someday so I will add it to the to-do list and plan a road trip or something.

anyways isn't weird how you never before know about something see it in a dream and realize its really real?

Monday, May 6, 2013

Oh may I thought you were going to be different.

Well May was suppose to be my changing moving on. Sure it still hurts when I see a VW bug (are they in every movie and tv show) but I've gotten to the point where I don't change the channel. Sure the guy wearing the Green Lantern shirt walking across the street caused me to wonder about you....These were to be excepted.

I forgot about what May was to bring for us. The trip. Meeting your friends. Exploring Portland. Then up to my home. Everyone at home keeps asking when I am coming back? Am I still doing breakfast? Each time it feels like someone slapped me across the face. Its not their fault.

Plans after May weren't set in stone like maybe we should go do this, or I'll spend Thanksgiving with your family those I think won't hurt as much. So once May is over perhaps then I will be home free.

We had this huge fight about planning this trip and we worked it out but you had said we shouldn't plan the trip till we meet and I guess you were right.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

I know I know

Little reminders of love the quotes that girl post are helping me get through. So I know yesterday my new life moving day was going was going to be the day I let go of him but with the fires raging near his parents home I sent a text to see if they were okay. Nothing. maybe that is what I needed to move on. Maybe. I hope I can soon anyways.

Off to finish unpacking...