Monday, April 1, 2013

The place I can come to vent

I know my blog isn't the happiest right now and I quite the Debbie Downer but we've all been there? Plus my blog is the the place I can just get it all out. He knew about my other sites and while he might not be checking in on me on the safe side I don't want him to see how broken I really am. I feel bad venting to my friends for the 15th time. My mom thinks I should just move on. So for now this is the place, and I can't thank you enough for listening.

People say this is how it is for guys and that he'll be coming back, I've been in hopes that was the case. I was reading a break up web site and going through pages and pages and women are still waiting years later, I don't want to be that girl. So here is how I am going to see it. What we had was wonderful and maybe it could be again maybe our timing was all off but I am going to move on (someday) and if we are meant to be then we'll find away back to each other.

We didn't end on horrible terms and I feel deep down her still cares about me but just got scared so I am sure one day he'll regret it and maybe this was meant to teach us something, Maybe one day we can at least be friends.

I don't just give up and part of me wanted to fight for us but how do you fight when the other person just gave up? You don't you move on and you begin to fight for yourself so thats why the move, New Friends, new life, getting things done I want to do.

How do you tell someone to stay when they've convinced themselves they can't?

I guess I also know that we didn't do things the "Normal way" and that if we could just start over we could try again. Then again maybe our timing was off, Thats what I have decided our timing was off and maybe we'll never have it again or maybe one day in the distant future we'll be on time and we can try again.

If he's scared do I need to prove myself that I'm not those other girls in the past? Maybe one day I can. Maybe I was just a stepping stone to him learning to be with the one.

I was done with guys when he came into my life. I didn't think anything was going to come from our chit chatting but he came to mean a lot to me. He was the best part of my day. Its hard to let go of that. Its so freakin hard!

I miss knowing how his day is going. What he's doing. Sharing our days. Yesterday was hard because I knew that we would be together and with everyone doing family things I know way to distract myself. I know today he has the day off and He's probably with his best friend having fun while I am home feeling lost. Tomorrow when I look at the clock I'll think "He's still asleep." "Wonder if he's up yet." "he should be on his way to work" He'd be on his break right now"

It comes in waves. Waves where I am okay....Waves where I am not. It seems like they are getting bigger and harder the surf the longer we go without each other but I know that one day I'll be able to get on the surf board and go about my life.

That is exactly how I feel!! How do I keep him from Walking away?

Doesn't he know that?

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