Sunday, April 28, 2013

Dearest biggest love I've ever known.

I've often wrote letter to who I hope will one day be your dad but I have yet to write a letter to you. I can't wait to meet you as well, and I have so many thoughts about you already.

I will cradle you in my arms. Our breathing in sync, your little hand wrapped around my thumb.

Our Journey to get here may not be an easy one but it will be worth all the moments of bed rest, the getting sick, the extra work I now have to put into things.

I can't wait to sew you homemade costumes. Make Valentines with you and teach you how great it is to share love with the world. Teach you about family History. Take you out to jump in puddles in the rain. Bake with you. Take you on vacations. Celebrate your birthday. Beach days. Take you on your 1st day of school. Trick or Treating. Christmas. You make Holidays and every day complete.

In whatever you want to be or do I'll support you. Cheer you on at sporting events. Help you prepare for that role in the school musical. You want to live in a princess costume for a year. Okay.

Mommy hopes that she gets to have you with Daddy but who knows, Maybe I will do it on my own. Maybe I'll adopt you. Don't worry though you'll Uncle Jake and Uncle Ben will be great male role models in your life, and even if I was lucky to make you with the love of my life they'll still be great role models and you'll have a high standards for the men you want in your life in the future or that man that you become.

If we live in California I want you to still know what snow and winter is like. We'll make trips up to Big Bear and stay weeks in a cabin. Falling half asleep with you by the fire after a morning outside, building snowpeople or throwing red and gold leaves all over the place. Your wearing a new onesie footie pajama number with a hood that has little bear ears on it that makes me never want you to grow up, snuggling into me like I’m the safest thing in the world. teddy bear tucked under little arm and I’ve got both of them wrapped up in mine. Later we can toast marshmallows for hot chocolate.

Around Christmas I will take you to tree lightings. Grandma moved closer so we'll spend Christmas at her house and she'll teach you how magical it can be. We'll watch all the Christmas movies I grew up on. Well and of course there will be Dad's family, Maybe we'll travel to see them and we'll have to get you real winter clothes. Maybe its just a road trip with a sleepover. Its great to have so much love.

We'll spend at much time at the beach as possible, Maybe you'll learn to surf. We'll have family beach days you in a baby wetsuit having the time of your life chasing seagulls. There are always pools and epic bath nights if life takes us away from the coast.

Any big summer holidays, we’re having people over. Family, friends, neighbors. Everyone can come take over our front and back yards. The kids will splash around the pool, the rest of us can have a cold beer and an expertly grilled burger (or veggie burger) and all the fixins that your dad is amazing and grillin while I spent the day making salads and pie, and everyone will be wearing flip flops and sunglasses. Because that’s all a summer BBQ really needs.

at the end of the day Pj's on and books will be read. You and I will cuddle, maybe Dad too but mostly he'll come in to find us and the dog sleeping in a messy, cuddly pile on the big couch.

at night or early morning we’ll hear a tiny thunder of footsteps they’ll quietly come in, burrow under the covers and want to be in bed with us.

On the first day of preschool, I’m going to try to be cool about the whole thing, act like I’m not worried and that our little boy or girl is going to be fine.

But once I let go of that tiny hand and he or she goes bouncing off towards school in a backpack way too big, I’ll be losing it inside. When did our baby get so big?

I hope our kids get to grow up in a world where there is no need for people of the LGBT community to feel scared or ashamed to be who they are. I hope our kids pick their friends and role models based on their integrity and the content of their character.

I hope our son feels flattered instead of threatened if the boy on his baseball team has a crush on him, even if it isn’t reciprocated.

I hope our daughter helps her best friend plan an elaborate flash mob in the cafeteria to ask her girlfriend to prom.

Or that if thats who they love they know that we'll love them no matter what. They'll never have to feel scared to tell us

I hope our kids get to live in a world that’s just a little bit better.

also I can't wait to have crazy dance parties with you. I can't wait to hear your cute voice singing to a song in the car or later one you made up while playing in your room.

and we are up for crazy adventures if you end up anything like your dad and I. I can't wait to take you to Disneyland! To just build forts at home and watch movies. To have your friends over for fun play dates. Help you with a school project. If the tooth fairy pays with Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts (or Aztec gold), do you think the kids will care? I can't wait to read you Harry Potter before bed and I'll try and do all the voices (dad's better I know)

Dad and I are gonna go all out with themed birthday parties for the kids we've been planning and we'll spend all day getting ready for it (made so much food), to the point we keep finding evidence -like little sheriff badges or fairy princess confetti- months later on bookshelves and under couches.

Till you are here I am going to work on me so that I can be the best when your here. I am going to go on adventures so I can tell them to you later when you ask your millions of questions, and lets see if I can find you Dad while I'm at it :)

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