I think my biggest lesson in this dating is that you shouldn't listen to everyone and its nobody's business except yours and the person you are in a relationship with, and that comes with any relationship. I think you need that person to talk to and I think from now on I'll just have two my mother and my best friend Katy.
I had it figured out and understood and was ready to move on with my life and then I hung out with someone who isn't a very good person but we road tripped to Bakersfield and it was a long drive so we had a lot to talk about it and I shared , shared more then I should and he basically told me it was all a lie and I was just used.
Now sure that could be the case but I am a smart girl, and the only person whose going to know that truth is having to not speak to me right now, so I think I can look at it two ways if I don't get closure I can make my own and my own is saying what my gut, my heart, and the countless advice from all those around me have told me over the past few weeks (back tracking some of them could see how I was just being used but thats besides the point)
I may never know the truth. Real or not, It felt real to me and my feelings were real so thats what I am going to go with and learn from it and take with me. Not everything is black and white. Not every girl is the same (I am not like a lot of other girls) so why would all guys be?
I think a lot of times I listen to other people and that is a fault of mine. I have made mistakes, I have been judged and so I feel like I need people to tell me I am doing the right thing to move on, Well I am a big girl and I am smart and I can make my own choices just like I choose to believe this guy cared and was in a relationship for me and I am going to choose to believe with what I know (Or think I know) of how it ended. Sometimes thats all we can do.
We put ourselves out there to care for people and we choose to trust them, sometimes we're going to get hurt but maybe putting ourselves out there and caring from someone deeply who hurts us may not always be a bad thing. We cared. We felt things. We were Human. We learn from it and move on.
and I am deciding to take advice from one of my favorite people Amy Poehler:
Well, my advice to you would be tell him that you like him. Life is short. And go for it. Why not? What’s the worst that could happen? He tells you that he doesn’t like you? So what? I mean, opening your heart and being courageous and telling people that you care about them or like them or that you think they’re special only makes you a better, bigger, kinder, softer, more loving person and only attracts more love into your life.
He used to tell me I was perfect, we seemed perfect for each other and it just wasn't his saying "Me too" all the time it was usually me going "Do you work for the FBI because how could you know I love that, or that I hate that as well" maybe we were perfect for each other but we weren't meant to be, or maybe we will be down the road but I am going to go with the quote above and think that one day he'll regret it, even if what all the people are saying there will be regret along with that as well.
and thats what my heart is telling me and I'm smart but I am going to go with the heart on this one.