Monday, December 16, 2013

Love this quote so much!

I think this is so very true I think each age comes out at times!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Where I see myself in....

One of the common questions asked on a date with someone is where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years.... so on so forth. I don't give it much thought, at least in a super clear way to I can express myself across the table at my date but I am going to try and tell you:

A year:

I would love to figure out more about myself, define a classier style, build my career, and just get it together 2014 is the year for that!

I would love how to make an amazing pie. I think I need to convince grandma to give me her secret recipe.

become a stronger me!

In 5 years:

I hope I have met that person that I am want to spend the rest of my days with and we are building our lives together whatever that might entail.

maybe have cute little kid!

and maybe if I haven't found that first part I can do the 2nd part anyways!

Friday, October 4, 2013

I've moved on. I am a dating machine. I have even found someone I really like, its opened doors, I am learning new things. I don't know how he feels to be honest but I am having fun.

I even spoke to an old flame the other day and thought how come he always comes back. But you. Just when I think I won't think of you anymore there I am seeing you in my dreams. Seeing you on the faces of people at Disneyland. Wondering how you would be on the dates I go on.

I am going to take the next few months to focus on me! I want to start building towards my dream life even if that means doing it on my own.

I am very excited about it.

Friday, September 6, 2013

I love this idea

keep the beaches clean

This is Peanut the turtle, shortly after being found in Missouri in 1993. She was taken to to a zoo in St. Louis where the six-pack ring was removed.
It seems that she was trapped in the plastic ring as a young turtle and was unable to free herself. Subsequently her shell moulded itself to the plastic ring and she grew in the strange shape you see here.
Unfortunately the damage is permanent, but peanut is expected to live a long life and today she serves as a mascot for the fight against beach littering.

Please, always remember to clean up after yourself at the beach.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

It’s not something I often think about, what I would do or have done if I didn’t have Cerebral Palsy.

But there is one thing.

I would have absolutely LOVED to be a dancer. I’d like to think I would have had the body for it.

Unfortunately things didn’t work out in favor of that.

I could have had graceful, fluid movements but instead it’s clunky and awkward.

But it is what it is.

But then again whats stopping me.......

Monday, September 2, 2013

Stuff I love

Pennies burned by fireworks.

The Paperman short by Disney

I think this might be the hottest photo ever

Saturday, August 31, 2013

How I see myself

As I wake each morning my chest rises and for a brief, singular, terribly short moment I'm still the girl in my dreams, the girl that doesn't need canes to walk. The girl that kills zombies, always kisses the guy, and isn't disabled and I want to live in that moment - when the sun’s ray are peering shyly into my windows, and the blankets feel like an extension of my skin, why am I not still sleeping.. I want to wrap myself in it’s comfort and lust after it like a hormonal teenage boy. My mind spins and I wonder what it’s like to make a good first impression. I wonder what it feels like to hold someone’s hand without first worrying about what to do with my other cane. I spend my life looking forward to the foggy, drool soaked moment after dreaming all night.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

This photoshoot is about non-disabled people’s reactions to a relationship between a non-disabled and a disabled person - title translates as “What is HE doing with HER???” People’s refusal to think a non-disabled person is genuinely attracted to a disabled person

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

How do I find the good ones?

What is with guys and dating now a days? I mean even before they get the date its "hey can we text because its easier?" gee way to put effort into getting to know me and then once I give in and send them the digits they want some half naked photos of me, even the guy that claimed to be a virgin (course maybe thats all he can get)

Then I finally get the guy and we talk and talk and talk. He lives a couple hours from me but doesn't want to drive down so he wants us to have a skype date, seriously? Skype dates are cute if you are like hours and I am talking like being in Washington state and California or I just told one of my friends who the girlfriend is moving to San Fran in a couple weeks about my skype dates and they are going to try that but seriously a couple hours, I am not worth your time or gas money or something?

Then of course there have been the horrible dates I have actually gone on......UGH!

I just want the dinner, the laughing, the talking, the walk on the beach on the sunset and before that I want to be charmed and won over!! I am an old fashioned girl damn it!!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I'm done!!

I've had successes online, I love this blog and little community. I enjoy facebook for keeping in touch with friends and sharing. Twitter has its perks. My business is online. its a pretty great thing.

Online dating however is not!!

I have met some great people. I have friends that we were just meant for that. Meeting people I really loved getting to know and changed my life for the better.

But apparently its all downhill from here.....

Date #1 Nothing to talk about. Not really feeling. Really awkward. Half the time I didn't even know what he was doing. As it turns out he liked me because he thought I looked like a little girl, the signs were there my friends but I guess I don't go around thinking of people like that, it also made me question my love for Disney and wearing that Lion King Musical t-shirt on the date. He texted me for days after going "hey little girl" EW EW EW EW!

Date #2 He won me over with the sweetest message ever and I loved talking and texting and couldn't wait to for our date. It was a crazy weekend for me so we worked out a breakfast date before I headed to my best friends. We talked for hours and he seemed perfect! We kissed and it was amazing. I was glowing on the way to my best friends and was so glad I could end the day sharing it with her.

The next day I get a txt saying "I have to head up to San Fran, emergency explain later" okay well I've read "he's just not that into you" I got it I was being blown off but I was still happy he helped me moved on from my ex and feel beautiful again.

Then he calls me that night saying a friend committed suicide. I of course went into super supportive mode. Then 3 days later he was going to rehab, it seemed a bit weird but sadly I haven't heard from him sense and I can't find anything about him online.

Date #3- was the worst by far. Didn't like him. Wasn't feeling it. He enjoyed poking me (AND I HATE THAT) and he was a terrible kisser and when I tried to get him to stop he said girls just want that you be in control thing and be chased. Um NO!! I'm leaving now!!

so I give up!!

Monday, July 1, 2013

a little girl power.

I gather inspiration from all kinds of things. This year has been rough but from what I gained is a lot of self worth and great girl friends! So here are some of the unlikely things that have helped me over a breakup and a little girl power.

The show girls always helps me feel a little more girl power. I watched the 2nd season right after my breakup at my best friends house and it helped. Now I am re-watching it after some time and seeing it in a different light and it still inspires me.

The movie for a good time call....

what you say yeah. Sure you think that movies is going to be what is implied but deep down its about a great friendship and how you can't judge someone which I feel judged everyday and it helped me finally be okay with some of the negative things a certain boy may of said in his hurtful break up email.

It also shows that people can grow and change. I plan to watch it now whenever I have a bad day.

and of course there is a long list of girl power songs but this is the most recent.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

I took a personality test

here is what is Said!
Extravert(22%) iNtuitive(62%) Feeling(88%) Judging(22%)
You have slight preference of Extraversion over Introversion (22%)
You have distinctive preference of Intuition over Sensing (62%)
You have strong preference of Feeling over Thinking (88%)
You have slight preference of Judging over Perceiving (22%)

Friday, June 7, 2013

Community all looking for their future.

When you are on a dating site you feel like you a speed dating, in some cases its lucky you aren't there in person and the safety of being in your room away from some of these fellows is a good thing. Its funny you'll see the same faces over and over again on different sites if you search for the same type of people on each site. People really looking for the one. I left for awhile and came back, someone even noticed saying "you changed your profile" You go on bad dates and return to the site, not giving up that all it will take is that one person to notice you (I had that once) If you've gone on good dates and want it to work but it doesn't its kinda heart breaking because you'll still see them there. It will feel like a punch in the gut.

I met someone great and we cancelled our subscriptions. I swore I couldn't go back if we ended because I would never find someone as good as him but it ended and I signed back up. Maybe I can find someone special. Maybe even more special and this time it will be different and he won't run away.

Online dating is demoralizing, intriguing and sometimes sexy, very sad but it can make a great distraction and it can also be disappointing. It what you do when your lonely like you'll magically find that person to go do stuff with and make you feel not so small in the world. You search profiles and your brain says maybe this guy would be a good match. You read through pages, make yours better, when you start talking you picture what it would be like to date this guy. Relationship porn.

A world where we judge people by photos and what little they could write down, but this is how he once found me. So I guess I can't be so harsh on it.

Most the time I just enjoy it in my thoughts I don't want to meet them. I'm not ready for it to be real.

Monday, June 3, 2013

My new favorite quote from Tiny beautiful things:

We cannot possibly know what will manifest in our lives. We live and have experiences and leave people we love and get left by them. People we thought would be with us forever aren't and people we didn't know would come into our lives do. Our work here is to keep faith with that, to put it in a box and wait. To trust that someday we'll know what it means so that when one ordinary miraculous is revealed to us we will be there, grateful for the smallest things.

My life right now!

Is helping plan a Bridal shower which is going on this weekend! It comes so fast. I hope it all goes smoothly! If any of you know some easy recipes that would go good for a bridal shower tea, please please let me know!!

I can't believe the wedding is almost here. I am finally getting help from the other bridemaids. The Bride and I had a long talk the other day, poor girl is so stressed out!

I am reading lots of amazing books and watching lots of movies when I am not so crazy crazy busy!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

so excited for summer plans with friends!

excited for road trips, food, movie nights, Disneyland, hanging out. It will be the summer of adventures with friends and I am so grateful for that!

Friday, May 31, 2013

Everyone must read this book!!

Everyone needs to read this book!! I cried after the 1st story! I texted everyone I knew to read it by the second and I am not even half way done and I am going to buy it and loan it out and if it never comes back keep buying it and one days when I might need a little pick me up I'll find a story to read from it!

A man wrote in who his physically not that good looking, has some disabilities and doesn't think he can find love (HELLO story of my life) I heard what I have told myself all the time, what I tell other people but its nice to have it in words for when the low moments come.

I was just talking about this with my friend Katie today and she told me never to think that so quotes from this story will be places everywhere so that I can remember.

The love you gain from your friends is proof that someday someone will love you. Not in the way they love you not just as a friend but in that way.

The love I get from my friends is amazing. I have been so blessed by this. So if that above statement is true and I really think it then it will happen! It makes me so blessed to have these wonderful people who share and show me love and teach me about it everyday!

and of course the next quote I say all the time, but to have it said in these words is just amazing. So maybe instead of dear future love of my life I should write "dear Uber-cool sparkle rocket mind-blower"

By not being "Normal-looking" a lot of people will immediately X you out as a romantic partner for this reason. Thats okay. You don't need those people.By stepping aside, they've done you a favor, Because what you've got left after the fools have departed are the old souls and the true hearts. Those are the Uber-cool sparkle rocket mind-blowers we're after. Those are the people worthy of your love.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I won't lose hope

Dating is rough these days. Guys wanting to just hook up. Guys not wanting to give you a chance. Then there is the handful of guys you spend the time chatting with trying to decide if you'll have a good time if you take this thing live with food and drink between you. I was standing in the grocery store parking lot waiting for my roommate to come out watching all these couples come out and I thought "thats what I want, what I thought I had this person to make a Memorial day run with me on the way to friends BBQ" Well I still want all that and if you have a dream you work at it so, I'm working at it. My aunt just gave up because she found out she was in a two year relationship with a married guy! A friend always talks about how she should just go back to hear dead beat old boyfriend. Hearing these sad stories makes me worry that if these amazing girls can't find someone.... It also makes me glad that I wasn't dating a married guy or didn't get broken up with over a text message.

I read this today and restored my hope! You should read them too!! they are amazing

Today, when I tapped the side of my wheelchair and told my husband, “You’re the only reason I want to be free from this contraption,” he kissed me on my forehead and said, “Honey, I don’t even see that thing.”

I need to find the guy that won't see the canes hanging from my arms. Won't see me as a girl with a disability. I thought I found that but I didn't. So I'll keep searching for him.

I dated a guy like this. I still have a photo of us him on his knees to next to me in the photo. He was wonderful and we're still good friends. We're just on different paths.

So if I can read these stories and find a little piece of me in them I am not going to give up hope.

I will meet the guy not scared to be with me

I will fall in love

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

You've helped shape my heart.

In some ways I think I'll never be over him. The love that I felt for him was huge and real and while painful it forever changed me as a person in the same way that being a sister to someone reflects and changes how I evolve and vice versa. The important people in our lives leave imprints. They may stay or go in a physical realm, but they are always in your heart, because they helped form your heart. There is no getting over that.

I adore this book

My roommate goes to the Library every tuesday and we reserve books to be picked up. Some come from other places. Some I am on a wait list for. I had put another book by this author on my list and when I was reading the plots of a lot of his other books I was like okay I want to read all of them!

Lily has left a red notebook full of challenges on a favorite bookstore shelf, waiting for just the right guy to come along and accept its dares. But is Dash that right guy? Or are Dash and Lily only destined to trade dares, dreams, and desires in the notebook they pass back and forth at locations across New York? Could their in-person selves possibly connect as well as their notebook versions? Or will they be a comic mismatch of disastrous proportions?

I love this idea I wonder if I could pull it off. Yes this is a young adult book but I still enjoy it and find a lot of the themes relevant to my 28 year old life as well.

First it adds to my Disney nerdness like with lines that read "Tell me what you supercalifragawant?" and a fake Pixar movie about office supplies that fall in love.

Lines that read exactly what I to want:
I want to believe there is a somebody out there just for me. I want to believe that I exist to be there for that somebody

at the current part I am at a section where they talk about the girl and boy in your head. How you have the perfect one for you in your head and everyone else you date till you find "in-head" person is just helping you kill time but the scary part is when you meet the person you think is in your head you'll start to get to know them and realize no one can be completely what you want in your head.

I think this is oh so oh so true. Currently as I embark on meeting people the image in my head and if they don't meet that image I know that it probably won't go far unless they can surprise me!

I also realize that I sit in a weird place where most people don't picture their perfect person to have a disability and walk around with canes like the old guy from up, then again that person in your head you could marry them and one day then end up in a car accident. You have to ask yourself if you'd be willing to stay. I need to person that is willing to stay already.

I am half way though the book. I will keep you posted and I read and plot to do this as well in my own life :)

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What it comes down to....

I need a guy that knows how to make me show off the Big smile, who I will look at with sparkling mischief in my eyes he tells me are the most beautiful eyes he's seen. The one that causes my shoulders to shake with laughter all the time. The one that causes my nose to scrunch up as he tells me something kinda gross. Legs that tangle with mine when we fall asleep together watching a movie on the couch. Hands that fit perfectly with mine.

And an ass that doesn’t quit. Just kidding. It’s not about looks. Really. I’ve been shallow. I’ve fallen for “beauty” before brains. But when I discover that we can’t laugh because he doesn’t get my jokes or there’s no appreciation for late night conversations that spill into sunrises, when he doesn’t challenge me and ends up making me feel a little bit like an idiot, when he can’t render me speechless with his wit and intellect…suddenly that “hot” guy with the done up hair and carefully styled outfit is nothing but a boring, empty shell.

I’m not saying that outer appearance doesn’t affect me. I’m human. We all are, but at the end of the day, someone who is amazing on the inside will radiate an energy that makes them beautiful to anyone worth a damn.