Sunday, March 27, 2011

Love is confusing

I got an e-mail from what my mom calls "the love of my life" I've blogged about him a lot.

Its confusing because everytime I tell myself I am over him I get this e-mail saying this like "I'm glad you applied with Disney agian kieep up with your dream" and "I want to come visit you"

So I guess now he is going to come visit me and I guess after that I will really know. Really know if my feeling are just holding onto my 1st love or if they are real? I know I might get my heart broken on this visit but I also know that no matter what happens he was always a great friend and I will feel lucky in the aspect.


I was telling myself that I was over him. That I was just holding onto past feeling. That I wanted someone that Loved Disneyland and wasn't so far away!


but I always come back to him. I still get butterflies at the thought of him. I still smile whenever he sends me a message.

I don't know. Its confusing. Someone is out there that is for me. I am tired of waiting but I will just keep on waiting. It would be nice if he was a lot like Marshel. Just saying.


Thursday, March 17, 2011

I know why they call it a crush

So I think I have a crush. I've been trying to fight it for awhile.

I've heard rumors of him liking someone else (but haven't seen this first hand)

I wonder if he would even like me that, I can't possibly be his type.

I can't possibly be his type.

We have been talking while I was home. I offered to get something for him.

We saw eachother for the first time since I've been back when our friend played a show. He was the only one to really hang out with me at the show.

When we got back to our friends house went spent the whole night talking.

Since then I can't stop thinking about him. while at the libary yesterday I wondered if he liked girls that read. Well he asked me about it later that night.


Yesterday I invited him to hang out with me and my friend. It didn't work out so he met me somewhere else, we went to a show.

Yeah I'm crushing big time. I'm trying to tell myself not to go there.


We were standing against this wall at a show waiting for our friend to go on and I was thinking it would be perfect if you maybe kinda wanted to hold my hand right now. Then I was all "Duh I'm holding onto my crutches" so I let go in case my head and day dream could possibly come true and I looked over and realized his hands were in his pockets. Ha Ha silly girl I am.


I mean there have been signs and such like he flirts with me (but maybe he's a natural flirt) He seems to take an interest in the things I say. So I'm not being completely dumb here.


So I'm not the type of girl that guys normally like I'm the "awesome friend" so I've been thinking a lot about what makes you the girl that they then want to date.

I'm also worried this crush is going to crush me



one day it will happen for me, that is what I have to keep holding onto. Even if it takes till I'm 40.


I did try to hint to see if he would go to Disneyland with me :) and down by the viper room it smelled like Pirates of the Caribean!!!!

Sorry for my Disney Kick. Give me another week and I promise I'll move on. Clearly my followers don't like this seeing as I lost one.


in other news I've been catching up with my friend Anna a lot which is awesome!!! and I'm in hopes to go see my best friend tomorrow. Oh and of course I am going to Party tonight due to St. Patricks day!!!