Sunday, March 27, 2011

Love is confusing

I got an e-mail from what my mom calls "the love of my life" I've blogged about him a lot.

Its confusing because everytime I tell myself I am over him I get this e-mail saying this like "I'm glad you applied with Disney agian kieep up with your dream" and "I want to come visit you"

So I guess now he is going to come visit me and I guess after that I will really know. Really know if my feeling are just holding onto my 1st love or if they are real? I know I might get my heart broken on this visit but I also know that no matter what happens he was always a great friend and I will feel lucky in the aspect.

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I was telling myself that I was over him. That I was just holding onto past feeling. That I wanted someone that Loved Disneyland and wasn't so far away!


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but I always come back to him. I still get butterflies at the thought of him. I still smile whenever he sends me a message.

I don't know. Its confusing. Someone is out there that is for me. I am tired of waiting but I will just keep on waiting. It would be nice if he was a lot like Marshel. Just saying.

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

I know why they call it a crush

So I think I have a crush. I've been trying to fight it for awhile.

I've heard rumors of him liking someone else (but haven't seen this first hand)

I wonder if he would even like me that, I can't possibly be his type.

I can't possibly be his type.

We have been talking while I was home. I offered to get something for him.

We saw eachother for the first time since I've been back when our friend played a show. He was the only one to really hang out with me at the show.

When we got back to our friends house went spent the whole night talking.

Since then I can't stop thinking about him. while at the libary yesterday I wondered if he liked girls that read. Well he asked me about it later that night.

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Yesterday I invited him to hang out with me and my friend. It didn't work out so he met me somewhere else, we went to a show.

Yeah I'm crushing big time. I'm trying to tell myself not to go there.

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We were standing against this wall at a show waiting for our friend to go on and I was thinking it would be perfect if you maybe kinda wanted to hold my hand right now. Then I was all "Duh I'm holding onto my crutches" so I let go in case my head and day dream could possibly come true and I looked over and realized his hands were in his pockets. Ha Ha silly girl I am.

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I mean there have been signs and such like he flirts with me (but maybe he's a natural flirt) He seems to take an interest in the things I say. So I'm not being completely dumb here.

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So I'm not the type of girl that guys normally like I'm the "awesome friend" so I've been thinking a lot about what makes you the girl that they then want to date.

I'm also worried this crush is going to crush me

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one day it will happen for me, that is what I have to keep holding onto. Even if it takes till I'm 40.

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I did try to hint to see if he would go to Disneyland with me :) and down by the viper room it smelled like Pirates of the Caribean!!!!

Sorry for my Disney Kick. Give me another week and I promise I'll move on. Clearly my followers don't like this seeing as I lost one.

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in other news I've been catching up with my friend Anna a lot which is awesome!!! and I'm in hopes to go see my best friend tomorrow. Oh and of course I am going to Party tonight due to St. Patricks day!!!