Tuesday, October 26, 2010

a single gals confession

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While I have always been happy being single or really wherever I am in this like (although I love love as you can tell from my blog, but I also try to be realistic about it) anyways lately I make plans with all my friends like Pumpkin Carving and they bail on me, Or I buy tickets for all of us to go on Halloween to this event we've all been planning and now they decided they don't want to go, so now I have tickets and have to try and find someone to go with and when this happens I think two things.

1. If my friends out of state were here they wouldn't do this to me.

2. Sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend because then I would always have someone to do things with.


I think things are changing with me and my friends and its scary, but its life.

Speaking of change isn't funny when you realize you've changed your ideas of things, like before I moved to L.A. I pretty much mocked the lifestyle that I live now

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I remember seeing this couple in matching outfits on my first day of school in Califonia and thinking "Who would do that?" only now I think its kinda cute sometimes.

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Its also odd to me that somewhere in time I became the girl that sends my friends recipes, craft tips, and all of that, when did I become that girl?

Monday, October 25, 2010

I want

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To kinda cut my my hair like this


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My friend Emma to live here again who looks just like the girl in this photo and it freaks me out!!!!

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more cute dresses like this


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outdoor meal with cool lights


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to not be scared to venture out of my house anymore

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This outfit


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To know that even though I feel a shift in my life and it seems I am drifting from Friends that we would still remain friends

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to find a great starter camera for my brother for college, any suggestions

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Go camping on the beach

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To find a new winter coat


If I lived in New York I would want these to make sure I always got a cab



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Friday, October 22, 2010

I'm Tired

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of feeling like most of the people around me in California trample all over me!

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Of loving people never here.


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of hard work gone unnoticed.


Oh the bright side I got a desk chair today and my roommate bought me yummy Pumpkin drink! now all I need in my room is a few hooks, some paint, and Mirror!


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by the way Candles in jars is my new favorite thing, did I mention that before?

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am I the only one?

This morning i put on a nice outfit because while I am not going anywhere I thougt I should test it out to see if I liked it as an outfit, I wondered if I was the only one who did this?


Is anyone else scared to tell someone how they Feel? I am. I am scared of putting my self out there, of Regection. I always wonder if people just send these to people they like? Or maybe its something you send once your dating.



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and with knowing that life is short, and hearing my Uncle cry because he might be losing the love of his life, and he wished he hadn't waited so long to just tell her does it make a person more brave to just say.

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Maybe I am scared that I have made it grow so much in my head that it won't be a good

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Maybe I'm scared you don't really love me back.

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are there single gals out in the world no where near marriage who love weddings and thinking up their weddings as much as I do?

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I also feel like the only one without a million cute dresses

Thursday, October 21, 2010

This was how I spent my day

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I watched the 1st half of Season 1, which I either haven't seen or its been so long its like watching it again! and I was never a fan of Dean and Rory but I have to say watching it again makes me see how he made such a great first love.

I drank a gallon of Chi Latte.


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Perfect girls to spend this rainy day with!!




Now I want it to be known that I clean between episodes thus being productive but I must say this me cleaning all the time after my messy man roommates makes me feel like some princess in a Fairy tale.

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where is my prince?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

another Doc that got me thinking

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Documentary movies good or bad always get me thinking, which of course is the point of them. I watched this one yesterday.





It was interesting to see that they really never live on their own, They shouldn't have kids which those kinds of things get me thinking.

I know that I would be a good mom. but I always wonder if I should be a mom.

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while walking in my Neighborhood about a month ago i watched a mom carry here child down the street from the school i live by, and i thought I will never be able to do that, sure I can push them in a stroller, I can walk along side them, people will be there to help me but I will never be able to do that, and I wondered if that I was ok?


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a week later from then while at the Doctors I watched a mother swing her child from her arms and thought once again I will never be able to do that, and while sure my husband could should I be really counting on him to do the things I am unable to do?

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Then I wondered if it was really fair at all to even get married, to count on someone so much, to be limited. To count on him more then I should.

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I would love nothing more to have a baby and spend my life with someone I love, but maybe its not right?


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I never wished to be any different, I've never hated God, but I think its Normal that these thoughts cross my mind.

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I think its normal that I get a bit sad sometimes


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but I am a strong girl, I do things everyday that people didn't think possible!!!

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I lived on my own for 8 years now and taken care of myself, I am sure I will find a way to make having a family work for me too!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Just thought you should know

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I really do, Really


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hope

Hope is exciting, So I am in love I have been since I was 15, and while we haven't seen eachother in 8 years that love Carries on strong, and while we talk and I know we have common movies and tv shows I have often wondered where we would stand music wise, We both love Jazz and musicals, but my music taste have changed since then so I have always been sure his has too. Well today he told me about this band I am not sure if they are just a friend of his or a band he really likes but it does give me hope!


Time To Come Clean from passengerandpilot on Vimeo.