Thursday, May 27, 2010

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I think I mentioned it here (maybe not) that I am taking a stab at online dating, yeah.......... not for me. Its this site called Okcupid which sets you up with people based on answered you take on quizzes. a roommate got me into it like 5 years ago and I mostly went to take quizzes and not people and I think it was fun for like a week.

anyways I went back the other day because my friend met her future husband there and I have been seeing those stupid ads for Match.com and mostly because I thought maybe I can meet a friend just like me and we can go out and do exciting things.

I am not an online dater. I have this one guy and we've been chatting back and forth and I am not sure if I like what he says and I am not physically attracted to him (which makes me feel like a horrible judgmental person) I sit and over analyze every written word he says and I hate when he makes me answer things like "so what do you think of me so far"

a friend of mine from High school and I were talking about how it doesn't work for me because if I tell them I am disabled now they get this stereotypes and judgments in there head and will stop talking to me, if I go and meet them without telling them they get mad. also people get mad about my photos. My crutches don't define me as a person so I have a lot of pictures where I just don't have them, its something my mom used to do.

I met a guy on myspace a few years back, he was exactly what I was looking for in a guy at the time and all my friends said he was perfect for me (he was a bit young) but they encouraged me to talk to him, I did everyday, and we started liking eachother and on New Years eve he told me he liked me and I could tell I was falling for him, We were planning to meet at Disneyland, Well I hadn't told him I was Disabled yet and was torn about what to do, I went over to my best friends house and after much debate that night we decided I best tell him in case he turned out to be an asshole about it and leave me there at Disnyland, I did and he first thought it was just a broken leg or something and after I explained it more he got kinda weird, we still talked but it was never the same. I did finally meet him he was working at Disneyland and I was visiting and I went up and said Hi, it was completely awkward and we haven't spoken since.

anyways in talking with this friend she told me about this thesis paper she did in college on online dating and how its all about looks, how people want talk to you if you don't have a picture and how pictures are the first thing you look out, Its kinda true and I find myself doing the same thing, and I hate that.

I also had this weird moment of guilt e-mailing a new guy when I've been e-mailing another, but that's just stupid right? and I ended up not talking to the guy because I didn't like his photo (How Horrible is this)

Now I believe physical attraction is important but trust me my friends will tell you I don't fall for the typical good looking, I start to find them good looking after they make me laugh, or do something really kind, I get to know them more and the more and more I know them the more Physically attracted to them I am, but there are just some types I don't go for.

but then I Feel bad because then I wonder if I judge them just as I get so hurt by others judging me.


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I found out one of my good friends (and his wife I adore) are moving to Austin. I am super bummed :(

I don't want them to go I like them a lot, and he plays bass in like 3 bands who is going to replace him?

and I kinda want him to set me up with his best friend, how is that going to happen now?

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WHO am I going to tell I would happily dress up like a disco ball for the show in case they forget theirs without them thinking I am crazy or a stupid fan?

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On the bright side Austin has been a dream place for me to travel to for a year now and I guess I have a good reason, he said I could come visit and stay and I am takin him up on it!!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Refresh

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I love morning, I wake up renewed and refreshed. I feel like that things that made you feel not so good on the day before are gone and you can wake up and smile at the things that went well (like finding someone who is a perfect match for you)

I have always been a morning person, even when I don't fall asleep till 2 am I will still wake up at 7am which means I will either take a nap later or crash out tonight, but that is just how things work.


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I am counting down the days to eating yummy food at my mommy's house. I really dislike that I live in a house that I can't cook in the other day I wanted to make pasta and there was not one clean pot and I refuse to wash some nasty pot I don't know how long has been sitting in the sink with the crusty food.

I want to go check out this little health food store around the corner from my house. but I have so much to get done today it might just have to wait till tomorrow.

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I spent most of the day sick in bed last night, I feeling a bit better now.


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I decided last night that I have a goal to go to a big music festival, most likely Cochella. I go see a lot of local bands a lot and friends bands but there is one that I don't really feel like going to see anymore (the fan base ruins them its kinda sad) and I am going to take all the money I would spend on seeing them and save up for a big music festival.


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I called some old friends yesterday to catch up. Its always reassuring that you've had friends for a long time when you have new people in your life that may make you feel like your not a good friend. I think sometimes we get it in our heads that our good and closest friends are the ones we see everyday, but I am learning that is not the case. It was great to laugh with them and catch up on old times. we are going to try to do lunch before I head off for the summer.

and this is what I am rocking out to this fine Monday Morning:

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Confessions of a single girl

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everyone in my town grows up and gets married, EVERYONE in fact I can name 4 people I know out of the four hundred that went to my school that are single.

My L.A. friends think this is crazy and warn me to not feel the pressure. It doesn't bother me really. I would like to meet nice chap and settle down one day but in the mean time I can go out and have fun and enjoy life (not to say you can't while being married)

I have a friend from High school and we were best friends, the kind that did and told eachother everything, the kind that dreamed of their kids growing up together!

She got married right out of high school and we continued to talk, but then she felt that I needed to move away from L.A. and back home with my parents and then she had a baby and felt I didn't understand her anymore.

It hurts that she feels this way.


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why can I not understand her now? Just because I at my time have not found the love of my life and had kids I couldn't possibly understand what she's going through, She'll talk to other friends we had that are married with kids, she'll even talk to ones that are married or in a serious relationship, but us single gals. Oh we are a waste of her time.

My best friend is getting married this summer and I am confident that after we will remain friends, in fact one day I hope that we do fun coupley things together once I meet someone.

I also know that if that doesn't happen he'll never judge me.


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I was watching the bonnie hunt show yesterday and the whole talk was about how women are too picky and they need to stop being so and basically being in your 30's and not having found someone, Its almost such a sad thing to think about for me that here are these beautiful talented women who just want someone to love them and they aren't finding it.

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I want to believe in the grand scheme of things that there is someone for everyone, but I guess having all this single stuff around lately got me thinking, My mother has been single for 10 years now, I have friends who are shocked she doesn't date or hasn't met someone but the truth is my mom is happy that way, she has her things that keep her busy and she has my Grandma who is her best friend.

Bonnie Hunt never been married and single and content with that and went on to say that she has come to terms that she will be a single gal forever, do you get to a point where you just come to terms and settle that this is the hand you've been given?

I want to believe that since my Grandmother and my mother haven't been lucky in love that I am the next in line to have some luck (or perhaps there is a family curse)

Saturday, May 15, 2010

life changing

I woke up this morning sad that the cancer Charity that I was at was fun till I felt used by a friend and realized the Negativity that one always seems to bring, I was upset that my roommates always leave things on the washer making it hard to do laundry (currently freaking out the the wash machine is making weird noises and I am about to bust it)

then I watched this:







and I'm probably going to watch all that I can find.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Boy talk

because what girl doesn't like to talk about boys?

although I have realized that a lot of criticism can come from people when it comes to who you like.

I wonder if I can ever bring a guy home for my roommates make fun of boys wearing the latest fashion (mostly jackets and Skinny Jeans) and mock those with Zach Efron hair, I laughed at this because my last little fling had hair much like this:

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I told this to one of my best friends who used to be very L.A. Used to like a boy with Skinny Jeans but now goes to school in Washington state and dates a Metal head and was like yeah you like "boys in pussy jeans and girl hair ew ew ew"

What does that mean? why does it matter?

I snapped back "I don't make fun of you for liking boys that look like Jesus"

There is also this huge conversation on facebook going on from all my old high school friends about how gross it is that guys are in Skinny Jeans Even mention that its not suppose to be there because it says so in the bible!
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but all of this got me thinking today, I like a guy who will watch Epic love movies with me, who will Listen to Metric and Lykke Li with me, and at first I really loved that about him, not some guy pretending to be tough and mocking my girly habits.
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why should what he listens and watches make any difference?

but then I started thinking about all the things friends say, and all the things past boyfriends have made fun of, its weird. Why should all these things not be okay for a person?
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I was reading something online that people were claiming and actor was Gay by being active in the fight for Pro-Same sex marriage. Its kind of mind blowing to me that all of a sudden we have these standards for people.

and it is weird that all these thoughts get to me, I know he's a manly guy, why can't he be into all these things, and what makes if I have a boyfriend like that less of a person then the smelly, Rock listening, doesn't clean the bathroom guy that your dating

I used to have this thing for guys with curly hair, kinda still do and all my friends would make fun of me for that. Perhaps you can't really win

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I think there should be bigger things to worry about in a relationship like do you have a connection

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Going out and having fun with them, being able to be yourself.

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Having stupid inside jokes and just laying there talking and laughing about them

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Someone who treats me right

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I'm really attracted to a guy while he's driving, being the car with him, listening to music, laughing. I have gotten made fun of for this or people don't get it, I don't know what it is but I love it!


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Having stupid inside jokes and just laying there talking and laughing about them.


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