Saturday, February 17, 2018


What I mean when I say "toxic monogamy culture"
  • the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love
  • the idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities
  • the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, either you’re inadequate or they’re too needy
  • the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else
  • the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity
  • the idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship
  • the idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on
  • the idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life
  • the idea that being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself

Tuesday, January 16, 2018


To me, one of the most important things when it comes to a relationship is to be able to be yourself in front of this person. You gotta feel comfortable and show who you really are. To know there’s no need to lie, pretend or hide. To know they love you for who you are and wouldn’t change a thing. You can be silly or clingy or cheesy and they will just smile and stare at you like you’re the best thing that ever happened to them. 


I was a late bloomer when it came to boys, relationships, all of that. The only thing that made me a late bloomer. The one thing I couldn't fight to try and be normal because with these things you banking on another person (and boys can be dumb) the one thing that made my mom cry at night because of the above is true.

I lost my virginity at 28. it was terrible and I wish people hadn't told me to wait for someone special or for it to mean something. I wish girls and boys were taught about sex the same way.

On top of losing my virginity he broke up with me the next day and I went into life changing mode so on top of moving I also had what I like to call a sexual awaking, I could do these things now and boy was I going to make up for lost time.

I dated a lot and went on terrible dates. Horrible make out sessions that tasted like ham and I was left laying cold in the sand on the beach and I thought that was the worst of it but he later punched a drunk guy. A guy that wanted to date me because I was "young looking" and so on and so forth.

We had a pool at my house and one time a guy came over to swim. Right away I wanted nothing to do with him and thought I made that pretty clear but apparently not. I hurried through the swim part and we headed back to my apartment to change. He kissed me horribly to the point where I would gag, He then laid on top of me and forced me to make out and was touching me and truth be told I don't even know if intercourse happened because I was just trying to push him off me. Now I am strong because of using canes to walk with, I pushed and asked him to stop and get off me. Nothing. I finally managed to grab the end of the mattress and was able to use that to pull myself out from under him where I ran into the bathroom and sobbed. I came out and he tried things some more. I finally got him out and locked the door, he wanted to come back in for a photo but I wasn't letting him back in.

I left for my friends Wedding weekend right after. I remember telling her about this horrible sex I had had and that was just it.....everyone I told just said it was bad sex, kind of like this. 

It wasn't until months later it hit me with what happened what this really really meant and I called my best friend crying.

I have had a lot of bad sex, a lot of it shouldn't have happened because I had put myself it a scary situation with a guy, with posting this I hope I can help someone in the future learn.

Something certainly needs to change and I am glad we're all taking about it. 

Friday, January 12, 2018

Love Language

be sure to understand your Significant others  way of showing affection and make them aware of yours.. People show affection sometimes by buying you things (I tend to do this but also be careful I once was in a relationship that thought the amount he spent on me equaled love....this was not true but it just points out that you should talk about these things)  and some people will say I love you a million times and some will make you breakfast some will leave you the last ice cream, but it’s really important to know about these things because you could not notice them and feel unloved while your partner feels taken for granted and it’s just all a big misunderstanding so please talk about these things. 

Communication is key. 

P.S. for those of you that watch the amazing show home town like we do.....a love language is not the type of tile you might want in your house! 

Let them in

 “sometimes we hesitate to invite people into our life because we feel like our space isn’t good enough yet. things are a little messy, or our place settings don’t match, or our situation isn’t quite what we want it to be. don’t let that stop you. invite people in anyway.”

I think even once they are in these thoughts creep into my head and I might try to get them out until my home is ready for them. Its always a good reminder and I hope your remember it too my friends! 

Christmas Together

This year we spent Christmas with my family. In my family its a lot of my mothers cooking (Wes misses  southern cooking I'm sure) Waking up to breakfast first and then gifts one at time to make Christmas last, (my brother hates this) My mom goes all out with every corner of the house and  tree decorated.  It was great to share all this with Wes

 πŸ˜ŠπŸŽ„it’s those little memories, right? That’s gotta be one of the best parts about starting a family is making your own traditions.

We do that a bit we take on my families tradition of Light looking, we try and do the happening around Long Beach like this tree lighting (thats us with the mayor) we have Christmas movies we watch with certain foods! We always do these thing before we travel off to be with family.

With Wes's family its  southern cooking, a lot of people (mine is just a family of four)  and waking up way too early with Wes's  sister  to help get Christmas ready for Wes's Nephew Elliott!   The place we spent Christmas doesn't even normally have a  tree but with me there now they rent a cabin and we do get a little one its just very different. I like it though :) 

We want to make a goal to spend more time with each others families so here’s to another year of counting stars ✨ 2017 wasn’t always easy but I wouldn’t change a thing! 

Is Rejection always there?

I am not stranger to rejection and I used to think I couldn't handle it but maybe what it came down to in the past was: rejection I can handle. Someone says hey you aren’t my type or whatever cest la vie, I don’t like silent rejection or being left waiting it depresses me severely, nothing is worse than waiting on someone who has no plans to reach out it hits me hard & I withdraw and second guess everything,
And I’m too anxious about being a pest or bothering someone at work etc too hit them up.

I think I carry it with me now everyday it my 2 year relationship I wait for the day that he figures out what all the rest of them did that he also doesn't want me. Funny thing was he was the me in his past relationships and does the same thing. 

I think basically we're going to be together forever!